7 tips for living with social anxiety
Living with social anxiety can be limiting and lonely. If you find that your fear gets in the way of you living your best life, read on to find out how to turn things around.
7 tips for living with social anxiety
By Joyce Chong
In the 2007 National Mental Health and Wellbeing survey that surveyed 16million Australians to gain a picture of the nation’s Mental Health we found that anxiety is the most common mental health disorder experienced by individuals. (see here for a brief summary)
Within anxiety, social anxiety is the second most common anxiety disorder experienced (behind posttraumatic stress disorder). Social anxiety is linked with poorer quality of life and workplace productivity [1] and also with the increased use of alcohol and cannabis.[2]
If you're one of the many who experience social anxiety or know of someone who does, read on for our 7 tips for living with social anxiety. We've also included a printable version at the bottom of the article.
1. Know the difference between shyness and social anxiety
It’s easy to fall into the trap of seeing social anxiety as just an extreme of shyness. Indeed, there is a higher rate of social anxiety amongst shy individuals compared to individuals who aren’t shy, however the majority of shy individuals do not have social anxiety.[3]
However, social anxiety differs from shyness in that there is a marked level of fear involved, there is avoidance of feared situations, there is a strong fear of negative evaluation, and the social anxiety has a negative impact on functioning in several areas of life (e.g. work performance or relationships).
For example, a student may feel shy in a tutorial room, but if that person is distressed at the prospect of having to speak in the tutorial, and the tutorials have a participation component that students must pass (that is, they risk failing the entire unit if they don’t contribute) then we are looking more at a picture of social anxiety.
Did you know that for some, the anxiety is present only in situations where performance is concerned? So, while they may do well in most aspects of socialising, there may be anxiety just when doing public speaking or talking to people in positions of authority (e.g. managers, lecturers).
2. Take action…now!
Social anxiety typically starts between late childhood and mid-adolescence, with sufferers waiting an average of 15-20 years before they seek treatment.[1]
Given the wide-ranging impact of these social fears, it is understandable that social anxiety is linked with poorer quality of life and wellbeing – how restrictive would it be if you were afraid to go for a job interview, ask someone for directions, ask a question of your teacher, or even looking people in the eye in a passing conversation in case they think negatively of you?
How long have you lived with social anxiety? How does it hold you back in your life? Take action now so that you don't have to continue to live this way.
3. Challenge your avoidance
Avoiding a scary situation may bring you immediate relief, but over time you may notice that more situations cause you anxiety, or that your anxiety gets more intense.
The reality is that striving to feel safe all of the time is unrealistic, and trying to achieve this means that the number of situations in which you feel comfortable starts to rapidly shrink.
Make changes by taking one small step at a time. For example, if you're afraid of making conversation with people, start off by making small talk about the weather with the check out operator at a new grocery store, then build up to making small talk with the receptionist at your doctor's surgery. It takes one small step to get the ball rolling.
4. Rethink your drink
Social anxiety is associated with an increased rate of alcohol dependence. [4] Alcohol is often used to cope with nerves before and during a social situation, but it's important to rethink your drink and take a good hard look at whether it's just another form of avoidance.
Why is using alcohol to cope with anxiety a bad thing when many of our social situations involve alcohol? Well, alcohol may make you feel less anxious in the short term, but in the longer term do you learn that you can cope without a drink? Sound familiar? Refer to Point 3 – yes, using alcohol sounds like a form of avoidance.
5. Check your thoughts
Are your thoughts and thinking styles making your anxiety worse? Tune in to your thoughts when you first notice anxiety building up in a social situation. Are you making an incorrect assumption? Are you jumping to conclusions, or catastrophising by focusing on the worst case scenario?
If you're giving a presentation, do you assume that one small mistake in your presentation means that you have made a fool of yourself? Will the worst case scenario of being laughed at by everyone really come true?
We’ve previously blogged about Checking your Thoughts in relation to social anxiety here in our post on social anxiety and Christmas functions so use that as a starting point. You can also find more information on thinking styles here.
6. Conduct an experiment
Sometimes we believe what we believe because we haven’t had evidence to the contrary. Let's say you keep your head down on the bus because you think that others on the bus will stare at you. By keeping your focus on your feet or phone, you won't see that they’re not staring at you. In other words, your belief is reinforced or, at the very least, not disputed.
Let’s mix things up a little. Let’s conduct an experiment by sitting at the back of the bus, and then watching what people actually do. Chances are, you’ll see that people are either looking at their phones, or looking out the window. The thing is, though, you won’t really know unless you do the experiment to test your belief.
7. Seek professional help
A lot can be done to help with social anxiety, so please take action before 15-20 years pass you by (see Point 2). Psychological treatments such as Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) have been shown to be effective in the treatment of social anxiety.[5] You can also speak with your GP to discuss medication options.
Thanks for reading. We hope that the tips on managing social anxiety are helpful.
Want more? Learn about Social Set, our 8-session Social Anxiety Course. Work one-on-one with a psychologist to develop a tailored approach to bounce back from social anxiety.
REFERENCES
[1] American Psychiatric Association (2013). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th edition, DSM-5). Washington: American Psychological Association.
[2] Buckner, J.D., Schmidt, N.B., Lang, A.R., Small, J.W., Schlauch, R.C., & Lewinsohn, P.M. (2008). Specificity of Social Anxiety Disorder as a risk factor for alcohol and cannabis dependence. Journal of Psychiatric Research, 42, 230-239.
[3] Heiser, N.A., Turner, S.M., & Beidel, D.C. (2003). Shyness: relationship to social phobia and other psychiatric disorders. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 41, 209-221.
[4] Schneier, F.R, Foose, T.E., Hasin, D.S., Heimberg, R.G., Liu, S.M., Grant, B.F., & Blanco, C. (2010). Social anxiety disorder and alcohol use disorder comorbidity in the National Epidemiologic Survey on Alcohol and Related Conditions. Psychological Medicine, 40, 977-988.
[5] Craske, M.G., et al. (2014). Randomized controlled trial of cognitive behavioral therapy and acceptance and commitment therapy for social phobia: outcomes and moderators. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 82, 1034-1048.
Public speaking anxiety at work: Tips to manage a common challenge
Public speaking anxiety holding you back at work? Step up to the next level with these tips to help you manage your anxiety.
STEPPING UP AT WORK: TIPS FOR OVERCOMING PUBLIC SPEAKING ANXIETY TO HELP YOUR CAREER
By Giulia Villa
What holds you back at work? Over your working life, there will inevitably be barriers and missed opportunities. At times, these barriers will be external – the work environment may not be suitable, or the workload unrealistic. At times, however, these barriers are internal – your mindset, skills, and habits get in the way of stepping up to the next level at work. Some examples of these include difficulties with being assertive at work and setting boundaries, managing procrastination, managing a team, or managing burnout. Another common internal barrier we often see – that touches so many areas of working life – is that of public speaking. In fact, public speaking is seen as an important skill in the workplace. However, a fear of public speaking – or glossophobia – is widespread, with estimates ranging from upwards of 20% to a whopping 75% of populations. How far-reaching is the impact of public speaking anxiety at work? Let’s look at some examples:
Ella, a high-achieving teacher, has been asked by the Department of Education to train a cohort of early-career teachers. In spite of her passion for educating the next generation of teachers, Ella is considering turning down the role because it involves public speaking – training large groups of teachers, giving regular progress updates to senior staff, and speaking at Department of Education conferences. At present, Ella copes with public speaking anxiety by preparing for hours to reduce the likelihood of making mistakes and ease her anxiety. She knows given the sheer number of sessions she will be delivering, it will not be possible to overprepare for each session whilst maintaining her usual teaching duties without experiencing burnout. Ella could turn down the position and keep her workload and anxiety more manageable, however she knows she will feel trapped remaining at her current level, without opportunity to progress.
Oliver was recently promoted to management level due to his excellent technical skills as an engineer. However, while he excelled at research, problem solving, and producing written deliverables, the director of his team has recently expressed concern at Oliver’s performance in his new role. Notably, Oliver has cancelled several meetings, preferring instead to communicate via email to avoid being put on the spot and to have time to plan what to say. Rather than delegate project work to the team and Oliver being the ‘face’ of the project, Oliver carries out the technical work himself and assigns more junior staff to present project updates and lead team calls. After a conversation with his director, understands he will struggle to progress in this workplace without tackling his avoidance of public speaking.
The situations faced by Ella and Oliver are just a few examples of how typically high-performing individuals may be held back by their fear or avoidance of public speaking in their workplace. Let’s break down public speaking anxiety a little further. In the DSM-5-TR (2022) public speaking anxiety is a specific subset of social anxiety. Key features of this type of anxiety include:
A fear of acting in a way or showing anxiety symptoms (e.g., blushing, trembling hands, excessive sweating) that will be embarrassing or lead others to negatively judge the speaker or the content of the presentation.
An avoidance of public speaking situations, or enduring these situations with fear and anxiety. Avoidance might crop up as frequent sick days, low involvement in work meetings, joining calls at the latest possible moment, or agreeing with everyone to avoid conflict.
The fear provoked by public speaking situations and the possibility of being judged negatively by others is intense and significantly impacts one’s functioning in their work and/or social life.
HOW PUBLIC SPEAKING anxiety HOLDS YOU BACK AT WORK
As we’ve seen in Ella and Oliver’s examples, there are many situations at work in which public speaking may have a negative impact and hold you back from succeeding in your career. Let’s take a closer look at some of these scenarios.
NETWORKING: A MINEFIELD FOR SOCIAL ANXIETY
Networking is often a highly dreaded activity for those with public speaking anxiety – in effect it’s being ‘on show’, making small talk in a work context, often in small groups. However, networking has become an essential component of success in our hyper-connected society – did you know over half of jobs are never publicly advertised? In 2016, LinkedIn reported that 70% of professionals starting a new role already had an existing connection at their company. The takeaway? You’ve got to meet groups of people and make connections so as to be at the forefront of people’s minds when upcoming jobs arise. Unfortunately, nerves about being on show in public can make the ever-important act of networking a nightmare and may lead you to connect online, to avoid unfamiliar people, or even to undersell yourself during in-person networking events. In any case, anxiety stops you from making the most of an important networking opportunity.
WORK MEETINGS
Speaking up in front of others – whether it’s the weekly check in around the meeting table, or your turn to give an update on a project – can feel extremely daunting to someone who dislikes public speaking. You may focus on all eyes being on you, and have spent the night before thinking about how exactly to present what you need to but minimise your time ‘on display’.
Post-pandemic flexible work arrangements may mean that many meetings now take place over video calls. For some, these online meetings may be even more anxiety-inducing than face-to-face meetings. You may feel more aware of being watched and of being negatively judged by others, and thus experience more pressure to perform well. Social anxiety can also lead to a greater focus on scrutinising one’s own onscreen image, thus amplifying self-consciousness. Additionally, brief moments of silence that feel natural in person may become accentuated and feel awkward in a video call.
DELIVERING PRESENTATIONS AND SALES PITCHES
If the idea of delivering a presentation to a client or even your own colleagues is enough to make your heartrate quicken, you may have developed ways to deal with this seemingly inevitable anxiety. For example, you may spend hours overpreparing like Ella. Or you may be so focused on getting the presentation over and done with, you don’t have much energy to put into designing the presentation itself. Then, of course, there is question time – a period where you don’t know what questions will be thrown at you.
A good presentation in a work setting boils down to how you design your presentation and the speaking techniques that you employ to deliver your message. Unfortunately, it can be incredibly challenging for someone with anxiety to simultaneously manage uncomfortable physical symptoms, quiet down unhelpful self-talk, remember the content, and remember how to deliver it, and have the presence of mind to adapt the presentation to the audience.
Public speaking anxiety might also affect your presentation by impacting:
Speech rate
Tone of voice
Posture and body language
Use of filler words
Use of visual materials
Engagement with the audience
Public speaking anxiety may hold you back from being able to recognise what style is most appropriate for your audience and situation, and also on helping you to handle unknown questions (as part of question time). This is where we can help – keep reading to find out how our team of counsellors and psychologists can help you manage anxiety and become a more confident public speaker in your workplace. We’ve helped students manage anxiety for their university presentations, helped doctors to present confidently in their clinical exams, helped teachers to present to peers and parents, and helped professionals develop networking and sales pitch skills. We enjoy helping people grow their skill set and their confidence.
tips for managing PUBLIC SPEAKING ANXIETY
Try the following tips for managing social anxiety at work:
TIP 1: LEARN TRIGGERS AND HABITS THAT MAINTAIN PUBLIC SPEAKING ANXIETY
What exactly is it about public speaking that causes you anxiety? Perhaps it’s the idea of drawing attention to yourself, or perhaps you’re worried about visibly freezing or sweating. Having a clear grasp on what causes and maintains your anxiety goes long way in developing a targeted action plan to reduce your fears.
TIP 2: DISMANTLE UNHELPFUL SELF-TALK THAT FUELS YOUR FEAR OF PUBLIC SPEAKING
Negative self-talk is a common thread underpinning public speaking anxiety. The ‘stories’ you tell yourself can increase your anxiety. For example, Ella might notice a senior staff member check their phone during one of her presentations. Self-talk along the lines of “I’m not doing enough to hold their attention, they can tell I’m inexperienced and underprepared” is likely to make Ella more nervous, possibly increasing her likelihood of making mistakes.
On the flipside, self-talk can also be a helpful tool to reduce anxiety and help you to feel more comfortable during your presentation. A more helpful thought for Ella in the above situation could therefore be, “They may be checking their phone as they could be expecting a call”. In this case, Ella would feel less nervous and better able to continue with her presentation as planned.
TIP 3: FINE-TUNE YOUR PRESENTATION STYLE
We all have a different idea of what it means to be a good public speaker. Presenter ‘personas’ can vary widely across people, furthermore different types of speeches require different styles and components – presenting a sales pitch marketing muesli requires a different approach to delivering a lecture on research developments in biotech. By clarifying your goal – for example, who is your target audience (Formal? Informal?), what are you trying to achieve (Sell a product? Disseminate information?) – you have a clearer idea of how to shape your message and design an effective presentation. By having confidence in your materials and your messaging, you will also feel more comfortable in delivering!
TIP 4: GET EXPERIMENTING
Running ‘experiments’ on yourself is a great way to challenge pesky thoughts and fears that are standing in the way of your career success. Thoughts aren’t exactly the most reliable source of information when it comes to public speaking – fears that ‘everyone will laugh at me’ or ‘if I stumble over my words I’ll get fired’ can disproportionately dial up your anxiety to the point of interfering with your presentation.
In order to move past your fears try setting up small behavioural experiments to test how true these predictions are. The next time you are asked to speak in front of others, perhaps intentionally slip in a small mistake. Carefully notice the reaction of your audience – does it fit with your predictions? This testing can help you to determine whether the evidence fits with what you’ve been telling yourself.
If you’re interested in a tailored approach to dismantling your public speaking anxiety at work, check out our Speaking Volumes course. Over six weeks (allowing for time to practice your new skills in between sessions), you will work individually with one of our clinicians through an evidence-based, practical approach, to reduce public speaking anxiety and provide you with the skills and tools you need to succeed in the workplace.
Speaking Volumes, our 6-week course to help with public speaking anxiety covering how to improve your presentations skills as well as anxiety management skills (cognitive restructuring, exposure therapy). This course is based on CBT and social skills training.
REFERENCES
Aderka, I.M., Hofmann, S.G., Nickerson, A., Hermesh, H., Gilboa-Schechtman, E., & Marom, S. (2012). Functional impairment in social anxiety disorder. Jounral of Anxiety Disorders, 26, 393-400. Doi: 10.1016/j.janxdis.2012.01.003
American Psychiatric Association. (2022). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed., text revision). American Psychiatric Association Publishing.
Blöte, A. W., Kint, M. J. W., Miers, A. C., & Westenberg, P. M. (2009). The relation between public speaking anxiety and social anxiety: A review. Journal of Anxiety Disorders, 23(3), 305–313. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.janxdis.2008.11.007
Ebrahimi, O. V., Pallesen, S., Kenter, R. M. F., & Nordgreen, T. (2019). Psychological Interventions for the Fear of Public Speaking: A Meta-Analysis. Frontiers in psychology, 10, 488. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2019.00488
Martin-Lynch, P., Correia, H., & Cunningham, C. (2016). Public speaking anxiety: The S.A.D. implications for students, transition, achievement, success and retention. In: Students Transitions Achievement Retention & Success (STARS) Conference 2016, 29 June - 2 July 2016, Perth, Western Australia. https://researchrepository.murdoch.edu.au/id/eprint/39766/1/SAD.pdf
Vriends, N., Meral, Y., Bargas-Avila, J.A., Stadler, C., & Bogels, S.M. (2017). How do I look? Self-focused attention during a video chat of women with social anxiety (disorder). Behaviour Research and Therapy, 92, 77-86. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.brat.2017.02.008.
Social anxiety at work: How social anxiety affects your performance
What is it like showing up at work when you live with social anxiety? In this article we dive into tips to help you better manage social anxiety in the workplace.
How social anxiety AFFECTS work
By Giulia Villa and Joyce Chong
Living with social anxiety can be challenging, particularly in the workplace. Even if your job seemingly does not involve much social interaction (for example, working with computers, in data entry, as an author, or as an artist) when you dig a bit deeper it’s surprising how many social interactions are involved in performing your role. These situations include speaking to colleagues and managers, speaking up in meetings, giving a presentation, even being ‘put on the spot’ and asked for your opinion. Other roles may involve a greater social component including networking, client contact, and pitching projects. Indeed, social anxiety can be quite debilitating in the workplace. Let’s take a look at a few examples:
Will is an engineer who wishes to become a manager and lead interesting projects within the organisation. However, a major obstacle is Will’s social anxiety and his worries that others think that he is incompetent. His social anxiety stops him from sharing ideas in a meeting, giving project updates, and networking at industry events to build industry connections. Will’s fears lead to excessive preparation in relation to reading up and fact-checking, on rehearsing what he is going to say, and on anticipating how others may react. Needless to say, this increased workload - and mental load - has brought Will close to burnout a number of times, and he sees that if he were less concerned about what others think that he could be more productive and less overwhelmed.
Ali believes that social anxiety has led to a ‘failure to launch’ in their career as an accountant. Having lived with social anxiety for decades, they’ve found many ways to minimise their social anxiety through avoidance. Ali avoids the lunchroom to reduce the likelihood of making small talk, agrees with others’ opinions just to avoid conflict, and is unable to set boundaries regarding their workload. Ali does not apply for jobs that require interviews, instead working for family friends who sought them out because that way they know they’re good enough to be wanted in the workplace. In fact, Ali rationalises their way out of applying for promotions because this would involve an interview as well as potential rejection. Even if Ali were to be successful, it would then mean meeting new people (and facing the possibility of additional rejection). an element of public speaking, they avoid the lunchroom in case small talk arises, and agrees with others’ opinions at work just to avoid conflict. Ali is also unable to set boundaries at work and as a result feels taken advantage of, as well as feeling overwhelmed.
Ali and Will are not alone. Let’s dive deeper into situations at work that can be challenging for those experiencing social anxiety (see below):
What is social anxiety?
According to the DSM-5-TR (2022), some core features of social anxiety include:
* Significant anxiety regarding social situations wherein one may be scrutinised by others, with a fear of acting or behaving in a way that will lead to being negatively evaluated.
* The fear or distress is persistent, out of proportion to the situation, and interferes with functioning (e.g. occupational, social).
* These social situations are avoided, or endured with intense anxiety. Avoidance of social situations may be quite common in the form of sick days, ‘alternate appointments’ occurring at the same time as feared situations (e.g. work meetings), or even in subtler ways such as choosing to transact via emails rather than face to face, or attending a meeting but ‘hiding behind’ a more outgoing colleague.
* Social anxiety may also be specific to performance situations (e.g. musicians, athletes, public speaking).
stressful workplace situations for social anxiety
Various workplace situations that present difficulties for those with social anxiety. Indeed, it is unsurprising that social anxiety is linked to increased absenteeism (for example, calling in sick on training- or team-building days) and declining promotions or opportunities because they involve a greater degree of social interaction. Such situations include:
Small talk and networking: A minefield for social anxiety
In situations of small talk and networking, whilst there may be common ground (e.g. the workplace) or a common goal (networking and promoting your organisation), the initial exchange of social pleasantries may include talking about a wide range of topics - the weather, holidays, current affairs, entertainment, travel… the possibilities are endless. Navigating the transition from making small-talk to focusing on work-related discussions can also be a source of stress.
work meetings
Work meetings are also often a source of anxiety. In addition to making small talk with colleagues prior to the start of the meeting, once the meeting commences you may be called upon to provide an update on your projects or asked your thoughts on a work issue. Cue all eyes on you and being the focus of attention, and being ‘put on the spot’. These situations can seem highly intimidating, and often those with social anxiety may miss meetings altogether, or opt to dial in remotely (with their camera off so they can sit silently in the background).
Public speaking, giving presentations, and being observed
In our work with individuals with social anxiety, public speaking is easily one of the most dreaded scenarios. In fact, public speaking is a very common fear - and not just for those experiencing social anxiety. Avoidance of giving talks and presentations is very common in individuals experiencing social anxiety. To learn more about public speaking anxiety in the workplace, read our article and find out how you can helps your fears.
Another workplace concern is that of being observed, particularly by supervisors and managers but also more junior colleagues (or even students on placement), where you are required to demonstrate competency in a skill. This can impact a wide range of professions including those in healthcare, hospitality, education, and performance.
Talking to managers and authority figures
Talking to managers and authority figures can be extremely daunting for those experiencing social anxiety. Each interaction with someone who is in a position to assess your work is seen as potential for scrutiny, and common unhelpful thinking styles that dial up anxiety in these interactions include mind-reading (assuming that your manager thinks poorly of you) and catastrophising (worrying that saying something incorrect will lead to criticism and punishment down the track). Performance reviews are likely to further exacerbate anxiety.
Job interviews
Job interviews may be avoided by those with social anxiety for several reasons. This is a scenario where the goal is to convince someone (and often, a panel of interviewers) that you are ‘good enough’ for the position. Sources of stress in job interviews typically include being asked unexpected questions, crafting a response that answers their question, monitoring non-verbal responses (for example, tone of voice, use of fillers, what to do with your hands), and speaking about your strengths and experiences.
tips for managing social anxiety at work
Try the following tips for managing social anxiety at work:
Tip 1: Flip the script on your socially-anxious thoughts
A fear of social situations can trigger a host of unhelpful thoughts and assumptions:
“I can’t give the presentation, it’ll be disastrous.”
“They think I’m incompetent.”
“I’ll make a fool of myself.”
“They’ll see my anxiety leaking out and I’ll look weak.”
These thoughts are often exaggerated or even untrue, and it’s when you flip the script on these thoughts that you reduce your anxiety. Helpful questions to ask yourself include whether your thoughts are realistic and proportionate), and whether you are able to cope with a negative situation should it arise.
Tip 2: Avoid your avoidance of social situations
Whilst avoidance leads you to feel better in the moment, in the longer term it reinforces your fear of the situation. Instead, face your fears gradually through setting small exposure tasks. Start with making a conversation about someone’s weekend, or by briefly drawing attention to yourself by clearing your throat.
Tip 3: Build a set of social skills for work
Often social anxiety can be exacerbated when you don’t have a set of skills to cope with social situations. Skills such as making small talk, networking, attending job interviews, being assertive and setting boundaries, and public speaking, are some examples of skills to develop so that you can build up your confidence to navigate your workplace.
Hopefully the above tips will help you to better manage social anxiety in the workplace. If you’d like a more tailored approach you can book in with one of our team by contacting us (click on button below). Alternatively, you can look into our Social Set or Speaking Volumes courses:
Social Set, our 8-week course to help you better manage social anxiety. Social Set focuses on building four sets of skills for social anxiety - skills to improve your mindset, skills to help your body’s anxious response, social skills across a range of situations, and skills to help you set the scene for success in real life through exposure therapy. It is based on CBT and Social Skills Training.
Speaking Volumes, our 6-week course to help with public speaking anxiety covering how to improve your presentations skills as well as anxiety management skills (cognitive restructuring, exposure therapy). This course is based on CBT and social skills training.
REFERENCES
Aderka, I.M., Hofmann, S.G., Nickerson, A., Hermesh, H., Gilboa-Schechtman, E., & Marom, S. (2012). Functional impairment in social anxiety disorder. Jounral of Anxiety Disorders, 26, 393-400. Doi: 10.1016/j.janxdis.2012.01.003
American Psychiatric Association. (2022). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed., text revision). American Psychiatric Association Publishing.
Hidalgo, R.B., Barnett, S.D., & Davidson, J.R.T. (2001). Social anxiety disorder in review: Two decades of progress. International Journa. of Neuropsychopharmacology, 4, 279-298.
Hofmann, S.G. (2007). Cognitive factors that maintain social anxiety disorder: a comprehensive model and its treatment implications. Cognitive Behaviour Therapy, 38, 193-209.
Hofmann, S. G., & Otto, M. W. (2017). Cognitive behavioral therapy for social anxiety disorder: Evidence-based and disorder-specific treatment techniques. Routledge.
Mendlowicz, M. V., & Stein, M. B. (2000). Quality of life in individuals with anxiety disorders. American Journal of Psychiatry, 157, 669-682.
Moitra, E., Beard, C., Weisberg, R.B., & Keller, M.B. (2011). Occupational impairment and social anxiety disorder in a sample of primary care patients. Journal of Affective Disorders, 130, doi:10.1016/j.jad.2010.09.024
Stein, M. B., & Kean, Y. M. (2000). Disability and quality of life in social phobia: epidemiologic findings. American Journal of Psychiatry, 157, 1606-1613.
Zhang, I.Y., Powell, D.M., & Bonaccio, S. (2022). The role of fear of negative evaluation in interview anxiety and social-evaluative workplace anxiety. International Journal of Selection and Assessment, 30, 302-310. doi.org/10.1111/ijsa.12365
The Life of a Socially-Anxious Student
Living with social anxiety as a student can be challenging - speaking up in class, group assignments, public speaking, gaining work experience, making friends … the list of social situations is endless. But there’s no need to suffer further…read on to find how to go from surviving to thriving in your studies.
The life of a socially-anxious student
by Olivia Kingsley
Life as a socially-anxious student can be challenging. There are so many study-related situations that have a social component – public speaking, being called on unexpectedly in class, introducing yourself to someone new, forming friendships and working relationships, talking to teachers and lecturers, and so on.[1] These alone can cause discomfort, however for students with social anxiety, the discomfort is amplified to fear and dread. The fear of negative evaluation can be so overwhelming that they avoid situations altogether or endure them with high levels of distress. [2]. Needless to say, experiencing a constant state of anxiety can hamper your studies by affecting your ability to focus on what your teachers and lecturers are saying, on learning the topic at hand. So, let’s dive deeper into what social anxiety is, and how students with social anxiety can go from enduring and surviving, to thriving at university.
Shyness vs. social anxiety in students: What’s the difference?
Let’s first clarify the distinction between shyness and social anxiety and how they manifest in students. Being shy and having social anxiety disorder are not the same thing, and yet the two are often used interchangeably. Unfortunately, even those who suffer from social anxiety disorder may dismiss their symptoms as extreme shyness. So what are some of the key symptoms of social anxiety, and how do they differ from shyness?
According to the DSM-5, social anxiety disorder is an intense fear of social situations where one feels like they are in danger of being negatively judged by others [2]. Whilst interactions such as meeting new people, talking in meetings, going to work or school, or being seen in public can cause discomfort to someone who is shy, social anxiety features when the anxiety is disproportionate to the situation and interferes with the ability to function as a student (e.g. stops them from turning up to class or affects their marks because they won’t speak up in class) or simply the act of functioning as a student causes significant distress.
Let’s take a look at Matt and Alex’s situations:
Matt has just started university, and is nervous about attending his first tutorial and meeting new people. In the lead up to it he is concerned about not knowing what to say or how to act as he wants to make a good first impression. When it comes time for Matt’s first class, he notices his heart rate is a bit elevated and his palms feel sweaty. However, over time he notices others are like him and he feels more comfortable in class and even contributes to class discussion. He ends up having a 100% attendance rate, and fulfills his class participation requirement.
Alex has also just started university, and like Matt, is very nervous about going to tutorial classes and meeting new people. Alex has all of the same worries as Matt about knowing what to say or act, and also wants to make a good impression. However, Alex assumes that others will think negatively of him, and is constantly on the lookout for signs that others disapprove of what he says or does. Alex is also worried that because he feels anxious, others can see right through him. Due to the intense anxiety that he experiences, Alex avoids going to class and only gets 30% attendance, and fails his class participation mark.
Some of the key differences between Matt, who is shy, and Alex, who has social anxiety, are:
The ability to challenge negative thoughts and check in with what is happening in reality
The intensity of the distress/anxiety experienced
The level of avoidance
The negative impact the anxiety has on academic performance
In other words, Alex is focused on his inner experience (physical sensations, fear, thoughts) and not noticing what is actually happening around him. Both students share the same concerns about being in a new social situation, but Matt is able to evaluate the situation and manage his distress so that it does not interfere with his performance.
How is social anxiety maintained?
Social anxiety is maintained through various factors. Models of social anxiety suggest a central role for anxious cognitions, including unhelpful core beliefs and assumptions, interpretations, and thinking styles. Regarding unhelpful core beliefs and assumptions:
People with social anxiety have negative beliefs about themselves and their ability to handle social interactions. Examples include “I’m odd/weird”, “I’m different”, “I’m unattractive” or “I don’t have the skills to cope with giving a talk on my topic.”
People with social anxiety may have excessively high standards for their social performance, for example, “I must get everyone to like me”; “I must always be funny and witty”; “I must never let anyone see that I am anxious.” These unrealistic standards cause anxiety as they are often impossible to achieve, and lead to the perception of constantly failing in social situations.
Holding such core beliefs and assumptions, it’s easy to see how evaluative situations can trigger anxiety and its associated fight/flight response. The physical symptoms from the fight/flight response, in turn, can exacerbate social anxiety as the student worries their anxiety symptoms are visible (e.g. blushing, shaking voice, sweating, shaking) and that others can see they are losing control.
Unhelpful interpretations and unhelpful thinking styles may be also at play in social situations . These are inaccurate yet accepted as reality, and may include: [3][4]
Emotional reasoning wherein the student believes that because they feel embarrassed that they have embarrassed themselves (that is, believing that feelings reflect reality).
Mind reading in which the student assumes they know what others are thinking, for example, “Why did she look at me that way when I was talking about photosynthesis? She must think I’m an idiot.”
Catastrophic thinking, or assuming the worst case scenario will occur, for example, “Going to this class will be a disaster because I won’t be able to get my words out, and others will laugh at me”.
As a result of unhelpful thoughts and thinking styles, people with social anxiety can then behave in ways that maintain their anxiety about social situations. For example, they may:
Avoid social situations (and the possibility of negative evaluation). Avoidance is a key factor maintaining social anxiety. While avoidance brings immediate relief, it removes any opportunity to test if negative beliefs are real, nor to experience positive social interactions.
Engage in safety behaviours. ‘Safety behaviours’ help reduce distress temporarily during feared social situations, but the person then comes to rely on these safety behaviours to endure subsequent social situations (thereby worsening anxiety in the longer term). These may include avoiding eye contact, not speaking up, speaking quickly, wearing headphones to avoid initialling conversation, ‘hiding behind’ more sociable friends during conversations, or using alcohol to reduce anxiety.
In some instances, perfectionism may actually be a coping style used to help escape scrutiny and negative evaluation.
How social anxiety AFFECTS student life (and beyond)
Student life is full of social requirements - speaking up in classes and lectures, working with others in group projects, making small talk with other students, making new friends, and planning for the futures by organising work experience and job interviews. Given that most of these student situations involve an evaluative component, and that social anxiety is characterised by a fear of negative evaluation, social anxiety can indeed make thriving as a student extremely difficult. Here are some of the negative impacts of social anxiety on student life (and beyond):
Social anxiety and academic performance
Excessive social anxiety can negatively impact academic achievement.[5]. Being involved and engaged in social and academic activities is considered to be a key contributor to academic achievement, but this can be really challenging for someone with social anxiety [5] Ways in which social anxiety can affect academic performance include:
Not asking for help from tutors or lecturers when they don’t understand something, instead trying to figure it out for themselves
Avoiding asking someone to proofread their work
Avoiding sharing ideas in group projects
Avoiding study or peer support groups
Not contributing to class discussions (and thus missing out on participation marks) or avoiding classes entirely.
Purposefully avoiding units containing public speaking assessments or group work, despite being interested in the content.
Social anxiety, health and wellbeing
Students with social anxiety can often experience loneliness and isolation, and report lower levels of life satisfaction and wellbeing compared to those without social anxiety.[6]. Late teens/early twenties is also a time where many students may begin to experiment with alcohol, and this can be a slippery slope for those with social anxiety who might use alcohol to calm nerves. Indeed, research has shown that social anxiety is associated with problematic alcohol use.[7]
Social anxiety and life beyond your studies
Another important part of university life is setting yourself up for when you finish your studies. Establishing your career often means stepping outside of your comfort zone by attending networking events, going to job interviews, gaining work experience, and talking to people in your chosen profession. Students with social anxiety often find it difficult to take these first steps, and even if they are given the opportunity to do so, they may turn it down altogether. In fact, research has found that around 20% of people with social anxiety disorder report declining a job offer or promotion because of social fears.[8]
Tips to manage social anxiety as a student
Despite the availability of effective treatments, only about 50% of individuals with social anxiety disorder ever seek treatment, and those who do end up seeking treatment only do so after 15- 20 years. [9] Sadly, it is a very long time to live with discomfort every day, when there are effective treatments that can help. Grab our tip sheet on 7 tips for Living with Social Anxiety below, and here’s a sneak peek of what helps:
1. Seek help from a mental health professional
Treatments such a cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) have been shown to be effective in the treatment of social anxiety [10] and at The Skill Collective it’s something we help students with on a regular basis. Things we can help with include:
Becoming more comfortable speaking up in class and being the focus of attention
Learning how to better manage public speaking anxiety (see also our public speaking anxiety program, Speaking Volumes)
Making small talk in a variety of situations (speaking to teachers/lecturers, other students)
Managing anxiety when it comes to job interviews
2. Challenge your avoidance
Avoiding social situations may provide temporary relief, however it actually increases anxiety in the longer term. While it may seem like the last thing you want to do, pushing yourself out of your comfort zone and putting yourself in social situations that seem scary is the best way to realise these situations aren’t as daunting as you think!
What might challenging avoidance look like? It could be turning up to lectures in person instead of watching them online, leaving your camera on if meeting up online, attending study groups, or even saying hello to another student where you normally would stay silent - pushing yourself out of your comfort zone is an effective way to challenge your fears and to help you learn that you can cope with the discomfort. Remember, practice makes progress, so don’t expect to feel comfortable straight away.
3. Take Action NOW
Please don’t be a social anxiety statistic and suffer in silence for 15-20 years before taking action. [9] That is a very long time to live in fear every single day, particularly when effective treatments for are available. Get a handle on social anxiety NOW so that its impact on your studies, social life, and future career are minimised, and you can go from surviving to thriving. Your future self will thank you for it.
References
[1] Russell, G., & Topham, P. (2012). The impact of social anxiety on student learning and well-being in higher education. Journal of Mental Health, 21(4), 375-385
[2] American Psychiatric Association. (2013). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed.). Washington, DC: Author.
[3] National Collaborating Centre for Mental Health (UK). Social Anxiety Disorder: Recognition, Assessment and Treatment. Leicester (UK): British Psychological Society; 2013. (NICE Clinical Guidelines, No. 159.) 2, SOCIAL ANXIETY DISORDER. Available from: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK327674/
[4] Clark, D. M. (1995). A cognitive model. Social phobia: Diagnosis, assessment, and treatment, 69-73.
[5] Beck, A. T., Emery, G., & Greenberg, R. L. (2005). Anxiety disorders and phobias: A cognitive perspective. basic Books.
[6] Brook, C.A., Willoughby, T. The Social Ties That Bind: Social Anxiety and Academic Achievement Across the University Years. J Youth Adolescence 44, 1139–1152 (2015). https://doi.org/10.1007/s10964-015-0262-8
[7] Mendlowicz, M. V., & Stein, M. B. (2000). Quality of life in individuals with anxiety disorders. American Journal of Psychiatry, 157(5), 669-682.
[8] Schry, A. R., & White, S. W. (2013). Understanding the relationship between social anxiety and alcohol use in college students: A meta-analysis. Addictive Behaviors, 38(11), 2690-2706.
[9] Stein, M. B., & Kean, Y. M. (2000). Disability and quality of life in social phobia: epidemiologic findings. American Journal of Psychiatry, 157(10), 1606-1613.
[10] Hofmann, S. G., & Otto, M. W. (2017). Cognitive behavioral therapy for social anxiety disorder: Evidence-based and disorder-specific treatment techniques. Routledge.
Christmas parties - A guide for the socially anxious
For those with social anxiety, this time of the year can be stressful as it's filled with end-of-year catch ups and Christmas parties. Read on to find out how to make it through the party season.
CHRISTMAS PARTIES - A GUIDE FOR THE SOCIALLY ANXIOUS
by Joyce Chong
At this time of the year we’re right in the midst of numerous social gatherings – end-of-year drinks with friends, work Christmas parties, holiday catch-up with the soccer team, family gatherings, the list goes on.
While it’s a social time, for some the prospect of enduring gathering after gathering full of people is something that triggers anxiety and even panic. For those experiencing social anxiety, we’ve put together a guide to help get through the holiday season.
What is Social Anxiety?
Social anxiety occurs when we feel anxious in social performance situations because of the perceived potential for scrutiny by others or for our anxiety symptoms to ‘leak out’ and be visible to others.
The degree of anxiety experienced can vary according to different factors including who we're around (e.g. people in positions of authority vs. peers) or the type of occasion (e.g. public speaking vs. one-to-one).
In such situations, we can experience a range of physical changes (e.g. increased heart rate, increased breathing rate, butterflies in the stomach, and feeling flushed) as well as cognitive changes (e.g. worrying, jumping to conclusions, mind-reading). There is typically a preference to avoid the situation or, if this is not possible, to endure the situation with intense anxiety.
HOW DO YOU KNOW IF YOU HAVE SOCIAL ANXIETY?
Social situations can cause us all to feel nervous from time to time, for example when meeting our partner’s family and friends for the first time, or when delivering a presentation to a hundred people.
Signs of nerves getting a bit out of hand include some of the following [1]:
The anxiety is excessive relative to what others would experience in a similar situation.
There's deliberate avoidance of situations, for example, sending emails to the manager so as to avoid face-to-face meetings, or catching up individually with team members (at a significant time cost) rather than address everyone at once.
There is a need to do certain things to decrease anxiety in order to get through a situation. This may include drinking alcohol to calm the nerves, carrying medication to calm anxious feelings before they get too intense, or ensuring that our best friend or partner is there before agreeing to attending an event.
The anxiety, and the avoidance of such social situations, is having a negative impact on daily functioning. This includes missing out on promotions because the new work role involves public speaking, or turning down the opportunity to coach a sporting team because that would lead to being the focus of attention during a game.
How common is social anxiety disorder?
The 2007 Australian National Mental Health Survey found that, of the 16 million individuals surveyed, 4.7% of these individuals had a diagnosis of Social Anxiety Disorder in the previous 12 months [2]. That’s about 1 in 20 who experience sufficiently severe levels of social anxiety to warrant a diagnosis.
Of course, this only captures those with a diagnosis of Social Anxiety Disorder, and does not include those who may be living with similar difficulties but not yet identified what it is.
So how can you survive Christmas when you feel so anxious?
We've put together some simple tips to help you over the next few weeks. Of course, be sure to seek help in the new year before this hits again next Christmas. Chances are there are also other social situations in which you may feel anxious (e.g. other parties, work meetings, meeting new people), so why not learn how to better manage these situations? In the meantime, check out these tips:
1. Face the fear… one baby step at a time
When we have to face any unfamiliar situation it helps to practice beforehand. Unfortunately it can be difficult to recreate our very own ‘practice work Christmas party’. Instead, try making small talk in ‘low stakes’ situations such as making small talk at the checkout when buying groceries, or asking a stranger for the time. If the consequences of the interaction are small - in that the likelihood of encountering this person again is low - it becomes easier to face the fear.
2. Prepare in advance
Often part of the fear is knowing what to say, particularly when there is a lull in conversation. If it helps, prepare some general conversation topics that could apply in most situations.
For instance, when talking to people who work, some general questions could include asking around how their year at work has been, what projects are on the horizon, and what they have planned for the holidays or how much time they're taking off work.
When talking to parents, you could ask them if they have anything special planned for Christmas, or ask them about their kids.
If you know they're into food and dining you can ask them if they have favourite cuisines, or what the best meal that they've ever had is.
3. Live in the moment, not in your head
We’ve probably all been in conversations where we’ve noticed that the other person isn’t quite listening. Rather, it feels like they're waiting for us to pause before jumping in to say what's been on their mind, irrespective of whether it fits with the flow of the conversation.
These disjointed conversations often arise because we place pressure on ourselves to find something to talk about, or to find 'common ground' with the other person. And, when we live in our heads, we miss out what is in the moment during the conversation.
So, learn to listen actively instead. It is, quite simply, one of the best ways to work out a talking point. Not convinced? Let's say we're talking to an acquaintance about her upcoming holiday in South America where she is particularly looking forward to visiting Machu Picchu in Peru.
Rather than focusing on our thoughts which may include, "What do I know about South America that I can talk about?" or "I have to come up with my own exciting holiday so I don't seem boring.", by focusing on listening to why she is especially looking forward to about Machu Picchu we can 'springboard' off her topic. Questions that easily flow on from looking forward to?", or "Are there other places in Peru that you're planning to visit?"
4. Check your thoughts
We do say to ‘check your thoughts’ a lot at The Skill Collective, and that’s because we really believe that our thoughts can ‘ramp up’ our anxiety. By assuming that we'll definitely embarrass ourselves, that we can’t cope with this awful situation, and that everyone will be staring at us, we let these thoughts increase our anxiety and question our ability to cope.
How true are our thoughts?
Do we, ourselves, pay full attention to the situation that we’re in, or are we sometimes caught up in our own thoughts about how tasty the Christmas turkey looks or how we're going to finish our report before we go on leave? If we do sometimes live in our heads, is it possible that others do too, rather than focusing their entire attention on us or judging us negatively?
What is the worst thing that someone could think about us? How likely is it that they will be having this exact thought about us?
If we make one small mistake – for example knocking over dropping a bit of salad on the table – how significant will that one small mistake be? Will it be the talking point at Christmases to come? Will anyone else remember dropping the salad?
5. Keep stress levels down in the lead up to the event
Heading straight from one event to another in a short space of time is a recipe for stress and anxiety. So, space out social gatherings where possible, take time prior to the gathering to compose nerves, and do some relaxation to calm stress levels. Just a simple case of breathing slowly in and out can help.
6. Be wary of a bit of 'Dutch courage'
Ah yes, it becomes all too easy doesn’t it, when the majority of social gatherings that we attend serve alcohol. A bit of social lubricant may seem like a good idea at the time, but taken to the extreme we can then forget what we have said, thus potentially creating a further layer of thoughts where we worry about having potentially embarrassed ourselves.
Also, if we rely on alcohol to cope, how can we ever learn that it is possible for us to manage anxiety on our own? That is, we become reliant on alcohol, and we don’t really face the issue.
Importantly:
The steps that we have outlined above are to help make things more bearable over the coming weeks and, as such, focus on small but manageable steps.
While they may be of help over the Christmas period, if you do identify with many of the symptoms of social anxiety described above, please do seek advice from your mental health professional about how to best tailor the above tips to your own situation to produce longer-term improvements.
Contact us to make an individual appointment to get started on making changes if social anxiety gets in the way of your life.
REFERENCES:
[1] American Psychiatric Association. (2013). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed.). Washington, DC: American Psychiatric Association.
[2] Australian Bureau of Statistics (2008). National survey of mental health and wellbeing: Summary of results, 2007, cat 4326.0, retrieved 11th December 2015, https://www.health.gov.au/internet/main/publishing.nsf/content/A24556C814804A99CA257BF0001CAC45/$File/mha25.pdf
Living with social anxiety can be limiting and lonely. If you find that your fear gets in the way of you living your best life, read on to find out how to turn things around.