How a planner can help you to better manage anxiety
Keep track of your anxiety by monitoring your mood and sticking with healthy habits. Here we outline how the humble planner can help you to achieve your goals when it comes to anxiety.
How a planner can help you to manage anxiety
By Joyce Chong
Anxiety is part of life. It keeps you safe from danger - think of anxiety as your body’s alarm that is designed to protect you from threats in your environment. At times, your alarm may be overactive. This can be experienced in response to stressful events (job stress, global pandemic, relationship breakdown, cumulation of daily hassles), or reflect a longer-standing anxiety disorder (such as social anxiety disorder, panic disorder; learn more about when anxiety tips into an anxiety disorder here).
We’ve worked with many individuals over the years to build skills to manage anxiety better - skills such as tuning in to triggers and early warning signs for anxiety, learning relaxation and mindfulness skills, shifting thoughts that contribute to anxiety, and gradually facing triggers for anxiety that they have previously avoided.
As with most things, sustaining the skills to manage anxiety in the longer term takes regular practice, and can easily get lost amidst the busyness of everyday life. So how can you ensure those anxiety management skills stay with you for years to come?
Enter the humble planner…rather than just serving as a To Do list, a planner can help with setting anxiety-related goals, keeping anxiety management skills on your radar, and track your levels of anxiety (and related concepts) so you can better understand and manage anxiety. Below we’ll show you how to use a planner to better manage your anxiety - we’ve used our Productive Life Planner which has specific sections for projects (or goals) and managing your wellbeing, but feel free to use any planner that will suit your needs.
TIPS TO BETTER MANAGE ANXIETY USING A PLANNER
Below we outline some tips for using a planner to help you better manage anxiety. These are based on our work over the years with the many individuals we’ve helped to make sustainable changes when it comes to anxiety, where we’ve seen what helps and hinders longer-term shifts in anxiety. These tips are by no means exhaustive, but will give you a good starting point. Let’s see how using a planner can help Heni.
Heni is a new graduate who has been experiencing anxiety for the past year. She has just commenced her first ‘major’ role in a high pressure environment, and is taking on challenges that she has not yet encountered. Heni is acutely aware of the need to look after her anxiety so that she can perform in her role and avoid burnout. She also recognises that she is prone to worrying about negative appraisals, which then feeds into her confidence levels and her anxiety.
1.Set goals for managing anxiety
Think of what goals you’d like to achieve when it comes to better managing your anxiety. Is it that you have an upcoming social function when the idea of making small talk with strangers causes you significant anxiety? Is it that you live in a house that has spiders when you have a spider phobia? Or is it that you want to be able to better manage your panic symptoms?
Whatever your goal is, use your planner to break down the larger, overarching goal, into smaller components that are less anxiety-provoking and move you gradually towards your overarching goal.
Heni has been tasked with the project of giving a conference presentation in April on behalf of her workplace. This is a trigger for increased anxiety for Heni - not only is it the first presentation she is giving on behalf of an organisation with high standards, she also suffers from public speaking anxiety.
To help reduce her anxiety, Heni decides to break this larger and more overwhelming task into smaller and more manageable actions using SMART goal-setting:
First, she reaches out to her colleague Will and buys him lunch to seek advice on designing her presentation. She also sets time frames to ensure she stays on track with this project.
Second, she decides to sign up to do a public speaking anxiety course, and looks at linking in a friend so she can practice her speech before the day.
2. Keep healthy habits on your radar.
There are many healthy habits you can adopt that support your anxiety and wellbeing. For example:
Habits for physical health include getting sufficient sleep, exercise, and nutrition.
Habits for psychological wellbeing include practising relaxation, journalling, and many of the psychological skills learned in therapy (e.g. exposure, controlled breathing, cognitive restructuring, mindfulness).
It’s easy for these habits to fall off your radar, so by using a planner as reminders to engage with the habit, you’re increasing your chances of looking after your anxiety.
Heni believes that there are a few things that are particularly helpful when it comes to managing her anxiety. She finds exercise and sleep to be vital for her to stay calmer. She also knows that journalling and reflecting on events of the day on a regular basis make a difference to her anxiety. Keeping these healthy habits on her radar using a daily planner helps her to stay on track.
3. Track stuff.
We’re talking all sorts of stuff to do with anxiety, including:
Physical and psychological habits that help you manage your anxiety.
Emotions such as anxiety, stress, overwhelm, and any other related concepts (e.g. level of social confidence when it comes to social anxiety, severity of worry in generalised anxiety disorder).
We especially love being able to track anxiety over weeks, months, and even a year, as tracking helps identify what particular triggers and patterns there may be to your anxiety (see the next point!).
Heni finds that tracking a combination of her moods (anxiety, overwhelm) and confidence level, as well as her energy and motivation, help her to see her progress with managing anxiety. She can also take this information in to her sessions with her psychologist and they can dissect the information together and set new goals.
4. Reflect
Once you have tracked emotions and habits related to your anxiety, use this data to help you reflect and learn more about:
What triggers your anxiety (e.g. prolonged weeks of tight deadlines, certain emotional stressors, or even a lack of exercise)
Which habits make a meaningful difference to your anxiety (do more of these!) and which habits may have less of an impact.
What helps you stick to your helpful habits and what reduces your ability to stay on track (e.g. busyness at work, burnout, late nights).
After consistently tracking her anxiety, Heni takes the information in to her session with her psychologist. They reflect on the patterns together, and identify that comparing herself to others and facing social situations more generally are triggers for increased anxiety. Using this information, they incorporate a few additional exercises in this area to help Heni better cope with such situations.
All of the above tips are designed to help you understand your anxiety better, and to help you stay on top of managing your anxiety. Using something as simple as a planner can really make a difference to how you understand and look after your anxiety.
If you’d like more tailored support to help stay on track with your anxiety, why not contact us and book in with one of our psychologists?
7 tips for living with social anxiety
Living with social anxiety can be limiting and lonely. If you find that your fear gets in the way of you living your best life, read on to find out how to turn things around.
7 tips for living with social anxiety
By Joyce Chong
In the 2007 National Mental Health and Wellbeing survey that surveyed 16million Australians to gain a picture of the nation’s Mental Health we found that anxiety is the most common mental health disorder experienced by individuals. (see here for a brief summary)
Within anxiety, social anxiety is the second most common anxiety disorder experienced (behind posttraumatic stress disorder). Social anxiety is linked with poorer quality of life and workplace productivity [1] and also with the increased use of alcohol and cannabis.[2]
If you're one of the many who experience social anxiety or know of someone who does, read on for our 7 tips for living with social anxiety. We've also included a printable version at the bottom of the article.
1. Know the difference between shyness and social anxiety
It’s easy to fall into the trap of seeing social anxiety as just an extreme of shyness. Indeed, there is a higher rate of social anxiety amongst shy individuals compared to individuals who aren’t shy, however the majority of shy individuals do not have social anxiety.[3]
However, social anxiety differs from shyness in that there is a marked level of fear involved, there is avoidance of feared situations, there is a strong fear of negative evaluation, and the social anxiety has a negative impact on functioning in several areas of life (e.g. work performance or relationships).
For example, a student may feel shy in a tutorial room, but if that person is distressed at the prospect of having to speak in the tutorial, and the tutorials have a participation component that students must pass (that is, they risk failing the entire unit if they don’t contribute) then we are looking more at a picture of social anxiety.
Did you know that for some, the anxiety is present only in situations where performance is concerned? So, while they may do well in most aspects of socialising, there may be anxiety just when doing public speaking or talking to people in positions of authority (e.g. managers, lecturers).
2. Take action…now!
Social anxiety typically starts between late childhood and mid-adolescence, with sufferers waiting an average of 15-20 years before they seek treatment.[1]
Given the wide-ranging impact of these social fears, it is understandable that social anxiety is linked with poorer quality of life and wellbeing – how restrictive would it be if you were afraid to go for a job interview, ask someone for directions, ask a question of your teacher, or even looking people in the eye in a passing conversation in case they think negatively of you?
How long have you lived with social anxiety? How does it hold you back in your life? Take action now so that you don't have to continue to live this way.
3. Challenge your avoidance
Avoiding a scary situation may bring you immediate relief, but over time you may notice that more situations cause you anxiety, or that your anxiety gets more intense.
The reality is that striving to feel safe all of the time is unrealistic, and trying to achieve this means that the number of situations in which you feel comfortable starts to rapidly shrink.
Make changes by taking one small step at a time. For example, if you're afraid of making conversation with people, start off by making small talk about the weather with the check out operator at a new grocery store, then build up to making small talk with the receptionist at your doctor's surgery. It takes one small step to get the ball rolling.
4. Rethink your drink
Social anxiety is associated with an increased rate of alcohol dependence. [4] Alcohol is often used to cope with nerves before and during a social situation, but it's important to rethink your drink and take a good hard look at whether it's just another form of avoidance.
Why is using alcohol to cope with anxiety a bad thing when many of our social situations involve alcohol? Well, alcohol may make you feel less anxious in the short term, but in the longer term do you learn that you can cope without a drink? Sound familiar? Refer to Point 3 – yes, using alcohol sounds like a form of avoidance.
5. Check your thoughts
Are your thoughts and thinking styles making your anxiety worse? Tune in to your thoughts when you first notice anxiety building up in a social situation. Are you making an incorrect assumption? Are you jumping to conclusions, or catastrophising by focusing on the worst case scenario?
If you're giving a presentation, do you assume that one small mistake in your presentation means that you have made a fool of yourself? Will the worst case scenario of being laughed at by everyone really come true?
We’ve previously blogged about Checking your Thoughts in relation to social anxiety here in our post on social anxiety and Christmas functions so use that as a starting point. You can also find more information on thinking styles here.
6. Conduct an experiment
Sometimes we believe what we believe because we haven’t had evidence to the contrary. Let's say you keep your head down on the bus because you think that others on the bus will stare at you. By keeping your focus on your feet or phone, you won't see that they’re not staring at you. In other words, your belief is reinforced or, at the very least, not disputed.
Let’s mix things up a little. Let’s conduct an experiment by sitting at the back of the bus, and then watching what people actually do. Chances are, you’ll see that people are either looking at their phones, or looking out the window. The thing is, though, you won’t really know unless you do the experiment to test your belief.
7. Seek professional help
A lot can be done to help with social anxiety, so please take action before 15-20 years pass you by (see Point 2). Psychological treatments such as Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) have been shown to be effective in the treatment of social anxiety.[5] You can also speak with your GP to discuss medication options.
Thanks for reading. We hope that the tips on managing social anxiety are helpful.
Want more? Learn about Social Set, our 8-session Social Anxiety Course. Work one-on-one with a psychologist to develop a tailored approach to bounce back from social anxiety.
REFERENCES
[1] American Psychiatric Association (2013). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th edition, DSM-5). Washington: American Psychological Association.
[2] Buckner, J.D., Schmidt, N.B., Lang, A.R., Small, J.W., Schlauch, R.C., & Lewinsohn, P.M. (2008). Specificity of Social Anxiety Disorder as a risk factor for alcohol and cannabis dependence. Journal of Psychiatric Research, 42, 230-239.
[3] Heiser, N.A., Turner, S.M., & Beidel, D.C. (2003). Shyness: relationship to social phobia and other psychiatric disorders. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 41, 209-221.
[4] Schneier, F.R, Foose, T.E., Hasin, D.S., Heimberg, R.G., Liu, S.M., Grant, B.F., & Blanco, C. (2010). Social anxiety disorder and alcohol use disorder comorbidity in the National Epidemiologic Survey on Alcohol and Related Conditions. Psychological Medicine, 40, 977-988.
[5] Craske, M.G., et al. (2014). Randomized controlled trial of cognitive behavioral therapy and acceptance and commitment therapy for social phobia: outcomes and moderators. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 82, 1034-1048.
5 reasons why modern life causes stress (and what to do about it)
(Updated July 2023) Experiencing stress and burnout? The stressors of modern day and lifestyle challenges may be making things worse. Here’s what to do about it.
5 reasons why modern life causes us stress (and what to do about it)
By Joyce Chong (updated July 2023)
Ever feel like your head is swimming with everything that you’re juggling? Let’s take a snapshot of a typical day in your life from the moment you wake to the time close your eyes at night. If you’re like many of the clients who we work with, it’s a never-ending juggle of work, study, family, technology, finances, friends, social life, meal prep, exercise, self-care, and…the ever-dreaded laundry. With the sheer scope of all that you’re juggling, is it any wonder that modern life causes us stress?
Indeed, stress is a natural response that prompts us to attend to threats in our environment:
“Stress can be defined as a state of worry or mental tension caused by a difficult situation.”
How we respond to these difficult situations, however, has a large impact on our stress levels, wellbeing, and mental health. Without addressing the underlying causes of why modern life causes us stress, it’s hard to make more sustainable changes that lead you away from burning out. Here are some main reasons for stress in modern life, and what to do about them.
1. Mindset affects stress
Fundamentally, stress occurs when we perceive a situation as difficult and potentially insurmountable. Psychologists Richard Lazarus and Susan Folkman, in their Transactional Model of Stress and Coping, outline stress as the body’s reaction to events perceived to be challenging, and highlighted the role of one’s perceived ability to respond to that threat. Thus, perception is key, and that’s where mindset comes in. Indeed, how we perceive an event can lead to a heightened stress response vs a more manageable reaction.
Let’s say you have to give a presentation for work. By seeing it as a disaster it can increase stress levels and lead to over-preparation and panic… a sure path to burnout. However, with more helpful self-talk you can dial stress levels down and the task will seem more manageable:
Certain personality styles, including perfectionists, those experiencing imposter syndrome, and those with people-pleasing tendencies, may find that mindset contributes to their experience of stress. Specifically, mindset can also lead you to take on too much (because you should aim for excellence), push yourself too hard (because you need to show that you are capable), and stop you from setting appropriate boundaries that would limit the stress that you experience (because you’re conflict-avoidant and definitely don’t want to rock the boat by saying no).
Our mindset flows on from how we see ourselves (our identity), and we make choices each day that align with our identity. This in itself can reinforce stress, for example:
Heni, a busy young professional, wants to scale the corporate ladder all whilst balancing finances and a healthy social life. She wants to take on all opportunities and do it extremely well. The inability to set boundaries with herself can then increase stress and contribute to her burning out.
Ando, the stay-at-home-parent, who treats it as his job and wants to excel in it (whipping up Instagram-worthy bento boxes, baking from scratch, display-home level tidiness) can deprioritise self-care and have few ways of reducing stress.
Emily, the juggle-it-all mid-lifer, who is in a management position looking after their team whilst at work, and then looking after parents, children, and fur babies outside of work…all whilst keep up their performance on their own work. The easy solution for Emily is to scrimp on self-care just so they can churn through the work; also by failing to set boundaries with others they find themselves stressed and overwhelmed.
DOES THIS ALL HIT TOO CLOSE TO HOME?
If the above examples all sound eerily familiar when you reflect on what causes you stress, take a closer look at Planet Burnout, our resource on shifting Identity, Mindset and Actions to help you lead a more sustainable, less overwhelmed life.
TIPS TO HELP YOUR MINDSET:
Develop realistic expectations - of how things should be, of what is required of you, of how well it must be done. Often stress arises when reality doesn’t match expectations - for example, that things should go as planned, that you should be able to manage a task, that you should be in control.
Step back from the ‘shoulds’ and other unhelpful thinking styles. Stress can result when reality doesn’t meet our expectation of how things ‘should’ be. Other unhelpful thinking styles that contribute to stress include mind-reading (e.g. thinking that someone is judging you harshly), catastrophising (e.g. thinking about the worst case scenario), and personalisation (e.g. thinking that someone’s frustration is targeted at you). If unhelpful thinking styles contribute to stress then take a closer look at this article on Thinking Styles that Sabotage your Mental Health.
Flip the script on unhelpful thoughts. Sometimes it helps to hold a mirror up to thoughts that increase your stress. Flip the thought that “I must/I should” to seeing it as a preference and ‘ideal state’ rather than something that has to be achieved irrespective of any constraints you face. Flip the thought that “They’re frowning because they’re angry at me.” to consider alternative reasons for someone’s demeanour, for example that they’ve had a bad morning.
Shifting mindset and flipping the script on unhelpful thoughts might seem easy in theory, but often these thoughts are quite automatic, in that we can’t see their impact - we just know that we feel stressed. Spend some time deliberately practising analysing your thoughts and it will become easier to spot them. If you’d like tailored help on shifting a negative mindset why not book in to work with one of our team?
2. Life events + Daily hassles add to your stress plate
If the global pandemic has taught us anything, it’s that life events contribute to stress. Other life events that increase stress are outlined in the Holmes-Rahe Life Stress Inventory, and include the death of a life partner, divorce, major personal injury, retirement, and pregnancy.
Daily hassles - ordinary challenges we face in daily - can also cause stress. These include having too much to do, cost of living, and conflict at work.
Both life events and daily hassles have been linked to increased stress.
TIPS FOR COPING WITH LIFE EVENTS AND DAILY HASSLES
Life events may be tricky to change, so it helps to take a look at what you can control, and to practice acceptance of what you cannot.
For daily hassles, consider what’s in your toolkit for coping (see Point 5). Perhaps having a system or process can help with misplacing/losing things, or speaking to a psychologist (like us!) can help with managing daily hassles such as troubling thoughts or getting along with fellow workers.
The most important thing is to do something, rather than bury your head in the sand. The problem won’t go away that way.
3. technology and constant connection
Technology can be a double-edge sword. It enables us to work more flexibly so that working from home has now become a reality. It enables us to connect with friends and family all around the world, to span different time zones and to have insight into the lives of our nearest and dearest by following them on their socials. It allows us to stay up-to-date with the latest in news, trends, and what’s going on in your neighbourhood. All without leaving home.
The downside? The constant connection can have a real toll on your wellbeing, causing significant stress as you are tethered to your phones and laptop as work emails pile up (see this article on The Tyranny of Constant Contact). Staying up-to-date with the latest news can lead to doom-scrolling, with negative effects on both physical and mental health. And…where do we even begin with social media and its impact on social comparison, FOMO, body image, and self-esteem? (Hint: It’s not looking too rosy).
TIPS TO HELP WITH TECHNOLOGY + CONSTANT CONNECTION
We get it, technology is part of everyday life. However, let’s look at setting healthy and appropriate boundaries with technology. This will of course vary depending on what you do for work (students and those in IT might find it harder to step away from devices). Try the following:
Conduct an audit on what you spend your time on with your devices. It may be that you end up on socials far longer than you anticipate each day, or fall into the trap of doom scrolling once you hop on ‘to relax’ after work which then bleeds into dinner prep. From this, set realistic and sustainable limits on device use, for example not scrolling through the news after work but instead getting dinner prep out of the way first.
Commit to being device-free for a period of time each week. Instead, go offline and connect with friends in real life.
Turn off alerts so that you’re not at the mercy of constant pinging from emails, messages, and updates on who’s doing what on socials.
Tame your social media use by setting limits (e.g. Hopping off 2 hours before bedtime), using apps that cut off your access, or hiding/deleting apps off your phone.
4. Poor lifestyle factors
Whilst stress may be inevitable, there are ways in which lifestyle contributes to the problem. Given that we are all time-poor, it’s easy to see how looking after our health can fall by the wayside as we:
Rely on caffeine and sugar to pick us up, and alcohol to wind down.
Scrimp on exercise because the To Do list wins that battle.
Make poor nutrition choices because you ‘deserve’ a treat given how hard you work.
Stay up past your bedtime because it’s the only moment of peace that you have.
Neglect enjoyable or rejuvenating self-care activities such as connecting with friends or going for a massage because there are other things that need to be done.
The reality is that these basic building blocks are extremely important when it comes to reducing stress as:
Exercise reduces stress hormones such as adrenaline and cortisol.
Sleep helps the body to repair and consolidates memory and learning, as well as helps with emotion regulation.
Connecting with others is helpful for reducing stress and increasing meaning in life.
So with that in mind, let’s turn our thoughts to how we can follow through with what we all know that we ‘should’ do…
Lifestyle TIPS TO REDUCE STRESS
Forget relying on being ‘in the mood’ or waiting for the ‘right time’. Instead, commit to just doing it.
Find your motivation - whether that’s being accountable to others, or thinking about how you will feel after looking after yourself, work out what works for you.
Go slow… practice mindfulness, get into nature, or start journalling - activities that require you to slow down mind and body will help with stress.
Commit to being consistent so that the habit eventually forms.
5. POOR COPING SKILLS REINFORCE STRESS
Stressful events are inevitable, but when we do nothing in response then we’re setting ourselves up for even poorer wellbeing and mental health. Avoiding dealing with the source of stress means the problem won’t be solved nor will it make things easier (in fact, it may even increase stress if you’re just postponing the inevitable).
Avoiding experiencing your emotions - say, by using alcohol to dull emotions, or shopping to avoid sadness - means you’ll rely on these coping skills time and time again. So what coping skills do we recommend?
TIPS FOR IMPROVING COPING SKILLS
Problem-focused coping: Skills that address the root cause
When you can address the source of the stress you also learn ways to prevent it from happening down the track. Coping skills that are included in here include:
Boundary-setting to avoid taking on too much.
Seeking support and guidance, for example from your manager (to help with job-specific stressors), your lecturer (for study-specific stressors) or psychologist (to help with mindset and lifestyle stressors).
Time management to help you prioritise and work on important items.
Establishing systems and processes as well as routines (daily, weekly, monthly, quarterly) to reduce daily hassles, including meal prepping, setting up a morning routine, and using a planner to stay on top of things.
Emotion-focused coping: Skills to help you deal with all the feels…
At times it may not be possible to address the source of the stress, in which case emotion-focused coping skills help you to regulate strong emotions. Such coping skills include:
Exercise to help reduce stress hormones such as cortisol and adrenaline
Meditation and mindfulness help to decrease distress and calm the mind.
Self-soothing skills such as distress tolerance.
Journalling to help you process your thoughts and feelings (try this positive psychology journal).
Reframing/flipping the script - shifting an unhelpful mindset to ease distress.
WHAT SHOULD YOU KNOW ABOUT STRESS MANAGEMENT?
Given that stress is ever-present in modern life, before you start building your resilience toolkit, let’s look at some realities of managing stress:
Stress management is an ongoing process, not a set-and-forget approach. You will have to work on managing stress regularly.
What works to reduce your stress will change depending on your circumstances and stressors. Sometimes you will lean more on problem-focused coping, and at other times, emotion-focused coping.
You don’t have to manage stress alone. There is a vast amount of information out there, and it helps to lean on evidence-based sources, or seek out a professional.
Ready to start working on reducing stress? Book in for a tailored session with one of our team here, or explore our book Planet Burnout here.
References
Biggs, A., Brough, P., & Drummond, S. (2017). Lazarus and Folkman’s psychological stress and coping theory. In C.L. Cooper & J.C. Quick (eds.), The handbook of stress and health: A guide to research and practice (pp. 351-364). Wiley Blackwell: https://doi.org/10.1002/9781118993811.ch21
Philp, M., Egan, S.J., & Kane, R. (2012). Perfectionism, over commitment to work, and burnout in employees seeking workplace counselling. Australian Journal of Psychology, 64, 68-74. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1742-9536.2011.00028.x
Burns, D. D. (1980). Feeling good: The new mood therapy. New York: New American Library.
Edelman, S. (2003). Change your thinking. ABC Books.
Williamson, A. M, Fayer, A. (2000). Moderate sleep deprivation produces impairments in cognitive and motor performance equivalent to legally prescribed levels of alcohol intoxication. Occupational Environmental Medicine, 57, 649 – 655. https://doi: 10.1136/oem.57.10.649
Ten Have M., De Graff, R., & Monshouwer K. (2011). Physical exercise in adults and mental health status findings from the Netherlands mental health survey and incidence study (NEMESIS). Journal of Psychosomatic Research, 71, 342-8. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jpsychores.2011.04.001
Endler, N.S., & Parker, J.D.A. (1990). Multidimensional assessment of coping: A critical evaluation. Personality Processes and Individual Differences, 58, 844-854. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.58.5.844
Social anxiety at work: How social anxiety affects your performance
What is it like showing up at work when you live with social anxiety? In this article we dive into tips to help you better manage social anxiety in the workplace.
How social anxiety AFFECTS work
By Giulia Villa and Joyce Chong
Living with social anxiety can be challenging, particularly in the workplace. Even if your job seemingly does not involve much social interaction (for example, working with computers, in data entry, as an author, or as an artist) when you dig a bit deeper it’s surprising how many social interactions are involved in performing your role. These situations include speaking to colleagues and managers, speaking up in meetings, giving a presentation, even being ‘put on the spot’ and asked for your opinion. Other roles may involve a greater social component including networking, client contact, and pitching projects. Indeed, social anxiety can be quite debilitating in the workplace. Let’s take a look at a few examples:
Will is an engineer who wishes to become a manager and lead interesting projects within the organisation. However, a major obstacle is Will’s social anxiety and his worries that others think that he is incompetent. His social anxiety stops him from sharing ideas in a meeting, giving project updates, and networking at industry events to build industry connections. Will’s fears lead to excessive preparation in relation to reading up and fact-checking, on rehearsing what he is going to say, and on anticipating how others may react. Needless to say, this increased workload - and mental load - has brought Will close to burnout a number of times, and he sees that if he were less concerned about what others think that he could be more productive and less overwhelmed.
Ali believes that social anxiety has led to a ‘failure to launch’ in their career as an accountant. Having lived with social anxiety for decades, they’ve found many ways to minimise their social anxiety through avoidance. Ali avoids the lunchroom to reduce the likelihood of making small talk, agrees with others’ opinions just to avoid conflict, and is unable to set boundaries regarding their workload. Ali does not apply for jobs that require interviews, instead working for family friends who sought them out because that way they know they’re good enough to be wanted in the workplace. In fact, Ali rationalises their way out of applying for promotions because this would involve an interview as well as potential rejection. Even if Ali were to be successful, it would then mean meeting new people (and facing the possibility of additional rejection). an element of public speaking, they avoid the lunchroom in case small talk arises, and agrees with others’ opinions at work just to avoid conflict. Ali is also unable to set boundaries at work and as a result feels taken advantage of, as well as feeling overwhelmed.
Ali and Will are not alone. Let’s dive deeper into situations at work that can be challenging for those experiencing social anxiety (see below):
What is social anxiety?
According to the DSM-5-TR (2022), some core features of social anxiety include:
* Significant anxiety regarding social situations wherein one may be scrutinised by others, with a fear of acting or behaving in a way that will lead to being negatively evaluated.
* The fear or distress is persistent, out of proportion to the situation, and interferes with functioning (e.g. occupational, social).
* These social situations are avoided, or endured with intense anxiety. Avoidance of social situations may be quite common in the form of sick days, ‘alternate appointments’ occurring at the same time as feared situations (e.g. work meetings), or even in subtler ways such as choosing to transact via emails rather than face to face, or attending a meeting but ‘hiding behind’ a more outgoing colleague.
* Social anxiety may also be specific to performance situations (e.g. musicians, athletes, public speaking).
stressful workplace situations for social anxiety
Various workplace situations that present difficulties for those with social anxiety. Indeed, it is unsurprising that social anxiety is linked to increased absenteeism (for example, calling in sick on training- or team-building days) and declining promotions or opportunities because they involve a greater degree of social interaction. Such situations include:
Small talk and networking: A minefield for social anxiety
In situations of small talk and networking, whilst there may be common ground (e.g. the workplace) or a common goal (networking and promoting your organisation), the initial exchange of social pleasantries may include talking about a wide range of topics - the weather, holidays, current affairs, entertainment, travel… the possibilities are endless. Navigating the transition from making small-talk to focusing on work-related discussions can also be a source of stress.
work meetings
Work meetings are also often a source of anxiety. In addition to making small talk with colleagues prior to the start of the meeting, once the meeting commences you may be called upon to provide an update on your projects or asked your thoughts on a work issue. Cue all eyes on you and being the focus of attention, and being ‘put on the spot’. These situations can seem highly intimidating, and often those with social anxiety may miss meetings altogether, or opt to dial in remotely (with their camera off so they can sit silently in the background).
Public speaking, giving presentations, and being observed
In our work with individuals with social anxiety, public speaking is easily one of the most dreaded scenarios. In fact, public speaking is a very common fear - and not just for those experiencing social anxiety. Avoidance of giving talks and presentations is very common in individuals experiencing social anxiety. To learn more about public speaking anxiety in the workplace, read our article and find out how you can helps your fears.
Another workplace concern is that of being observed, particularly by supervisors and managers but also more junior colleagues (or even students on placement), where you are required to demonstrate competency in a skill. This can impact a wide range of professions including those in healthcare, hospitality, education, and performance.
Talking to managers and authority figures
Talking to managers and authority figures can be extremely daunting for those experiencing social anxiety. Each interaction with someone who is in a position to assess your work is seen as potential for scrutiny, and common unhelpful thinking styles that dial up anxiety in these interactions include mind-reading (assuming that your manager thinks poorly of you) and catastrophising (worrying that saying something incorrect will lead to criticism and punishment down the track). Performance reviews are likely to further exacerbate anxiety.
Job interviews
Job interviews may be avoided by those with social anxiety for several reasons. This is a scenario where the goal is to convince someone (and often, a panel of interviewers) that you are ‘good enough’ for the position. Sources of stress in job interviews typically include being asked unexpected questions, crafting a response that answers their question, monitoring non-verbal responses (for example, tone of voice, use of fillers, what to do with your hands), and speaking about your strengths and experiences.
tips for managing social anxiety at work
Try the following tips for managing social anxiety at work:
Tip 1: Flip the script on your socially-anxious thoughts
A fear of social situations can trigger a host of unhelpful thoughts and assumptions:
“I can’t give the presentation, it’ll be disastrous.”
“They think I’m incompetent.”
“I’ll make a fool of myself.”
“They’ll see my anxiety leaking out and I’ll look weak.”
These thoughts are often exaggerated or even untrue, and it’s when you flip the script on these thoughts that you reduce your anxiety. Helpful questions to ask yourself include whether your thoughts are realistic and proportionate), and whether you are able to cope with a negative situation should it arise.
Tip 2: Avoid your avoidance of social situations
Whilst avoidance leads you to feel better in the moment, in the longer term it reinforces your fear of the situation. Instead, face your fears gradually through setting small exposure tasks. Start with making a conversation about someone’s weekend, or by briefly drawing attention to yourself by clearing your throat.
Tip 3: Build a set of social skills for work
Often social anxiety can be exacerbated when you don’t have a set of skills to cope with social situations. Skills such as making small talk, networking, attending job interviews, being assertive and setting boundaries, and public speaking, are some examples of skills to develop so that you can build up your confidence to navigate your workplace.
Hopefully the above tips will help you to better manage social anxiety in the workplace. If you’d like a more tailored approach you can book in with one of our team by contacting us (click on button below). Alternatively, you can look into our Social Set or Speaking Volumes courses:
Social Set, our 8-week course to help you better manage social anxiety. Social Set focuses on building four sets of skills for social anxiety - skills to improve your mindset, skills to help your body’s anxious response, social skills across a range of situations, and skills to help you set the scene for success in real life through exposure therapy. It is based on CBT and Social Skills Training.
Speaking Volumes, our 6-week course to help with public speaking anxiety covering how to improve your presentations skills as well as anxiety management skills (cognitive restructuring, exposure therapy). This course is based on CBT and social skills training.
REFERENCES
Aderka, I.M., Hofmann, S.G., Nickerson, A., Hermesh, H., Gilboa-Schechtman, E., & Marom, S. (2012). Functional impairment in social anxiety disorder. Jounral of Anxiety Disorders, 26, 393-400. Doi: 10.1016/j.janxdis.2012.01.003
American Psychiatric Association. (2022). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed., text revision). American Psychiatric Association Publishing.
Hidalgo, R.B., Barnett, S.D., & Davidson, J.R.T. (2001). Social anxiety disorder in review: Two decades of progress. International Journa. of Neuropsychopharmacology, 4, 279-298.
Hofmann, S.G. (2007). Cognitive factors that maintain social anxiety disorder: a comprehensive model and its treatment implications. Cognitive Behaviour Therapy, 38, 193-209.
Hofmann, S. G., & Otto, M. W. (2017). Cognitive behavioral therapy for social anxiety disorder: Evidence-based and disorder-specific treatment techniques. Routledge.
Mendlowicz, M. V., & Stein, M. B. (2000). Quality of life in individuals with anxiety disorders. American Journal of Psychiatry, 157, 669-682.
Moitra, E., Beard, C., Weisberg, R.B., & Keller, M.B. (2011). Occupational impairment and social anxiety disorder in a sample of primary care patients. Journal of Affective Disorders, 130, doi:10.1016/j.jad.2010.09.024
Stein, M. B., & Kean, Y. M. (2000). Disability and quality of life in social phobia: epidemiologic findings. American Journal of Psychiatry, 157, 1606-1613.
Zhang, I.Y., Powell, D.M., & Bonaccio, S. (2022). The role of fear of negative evaluation in interview anxiety and social-evaluative workplace anxiety. International Journal of Selection and Assessment, 30, 302-310. doi.org/10.1111/ijsa.12365
How a planner can help you stay on track with your studies
Between studies, assignments, paid work, volunteer work, sporting commitments, social life… is it any wonder things that student life can feel overwhelming? Here’s how to use your a study planner to organise yourself.
3 simple tips to organise your student life using a planner
By Joyce Chong
Student life can be pretty hectic. Sure, studying may be the main focus of student life, however there’s so much more going on including assignments, labs and projects; preparing for tests; volunteering/extra-curricular activities; paid work; family commitments; social commitments; and placements / practicums. When your commitments are that varied it’s also important to look after your physical health and psychological wellbeing so you can make it through the academic year!
With so much on your plate, it’s too easy to drop the ball, forget things, or even feel just overwhelmed. Importantly, this is not a sign of failure to thrive and adapt, just a sign that you might need a system to help you better juggle all of your commitments.
So today, we’re going to lift the lid on three simple tips for using a planner to organise your student life. You can use any planner (you might have a student planner lying around) though we’ve used our Productive Life Planner which has specific sections for projects (or goals) and managing your wellbeing. Let’s deep dive into how a planner can help.
TIPS TO ORGANISE YOUR STUDENT LIFE USING A PLANNER
Below we 3 tips for using a planner to help organise your student life that you can action today. These will give you a good starting point. Let’s see how using a planner can help Ali (whom you may recall from Planet Burnout).
Ali is a conscientious student, who spends every waking moment studying. However, the pressure he places on himself leads him to feel overwhelmed and he procrastinates as a result. Predictably, burnout creeps in at the end of semester and Ali barely has enough fuel in the tank to get through exams. He often feels like a failure.
Tip #1. Set UP A STUDY PLAN, GOOD HABITS, + HELPFUL ROUTINES
Groundwork is everything when it comes to succeeding, and as part of this try setting up a study plan with these questions:
What deadlines do you have for assignments? Work backwards from this point, breaking down all of the steps involved in completing and submitting these assignments. Add these to your planner.
What plan do you have for studying for the final exams? Break down your topics and schedule time to regularly summarise, review, and test yourself throughout the semester (don’t leave it up to cram in the study break just before exams!).
What habits support your studies? We’re talking physical and psychological habits that help you stay focused and on track with studies. It could be exercising, journaling, meditating, catching up with friends. All of these take time, so be sure to include them in your schedule so you can see your commitments over the days/weeks/months.
Once you see everything that is on your plate it becomes easier to set boundaries with yourself based on the available time that you have for that ‘quick coffee’ or ‘social media break’.
Ali, whilst prioritising his studies, has not taken into account the importance of physical and psychological habits that help him stay on track. He endeavours that this semester will be different, and aims to include exercise and self-care for sustainability in his studies. He could start off by:
Given Ali has a tendency to spend any available time studying, it will be best to first schedule in self-care activities. Thus he (i) Blocks out 3 x 30min blocks each week in his planner for exercise; (ii) Sets aside 30 minutes at the end of the day before sleep to wind down, practice mindfulness and journal (iii) Each fortnight he also prioritises his appointments with his psychologist to work through his perfectionism; and (iv) On alternate fortnights he sees friends.
With the remainder of his time he is able to devote it to his studies, and maps out upcoming assignments, tests, and exams.
Tip #2. TRACK THE THINGS THAT HELP YOU STAY ON TRACK WITH YOUR STUDIES.
Why should you track? Because tracking allows you to identify patterns in your study techniques and how you manage your physical and psychological health. We’re looking for patterns such as:
Studying for certain topics are easier at certain times of the day.
Being more likely to succeed with exercise habits when a friend is involved for accountability than when left to exercise on your own.
A few days consecutive days of feeling stressed primes you to experience heightened anxiety and panic symptoms.
Having all of this data allows you to make powerful decisions when it comes to making changes that work (see the next section!), thus enabling you to be more efficient.
Since Ali has a tendency to focus exclusively on studying (leading to burnout), a priority for him would be tracking how well he sticks to habits that benefit his physical health and psychological wellbeing (see example below in pink). He also uses a daily planner to track his schedule for the day, outline his Top 3 Priorities for the day, and other tasks on his To Do list.
Tip #3. Review how you’re going + make changes to re-ALIGN.
When planning doesn’t go according to plan, don’t give up! All of that information you’ve tracked gives you insight into how to make changes to realign and stay on track with your studies.
Maybe you tried to study a challenging topic at a time when you were most tired, and would be more likely to grasp the content if you studied it at a time when you were more alert;
Maybe what you’d planned to take on for exercising took far too much effort and coordination (e.g. stand up paddleboarding) and instead it would help to choose a more flexible and portable option (e.g. walking); or
Maybe you were underestimated how long tasks took, which led to feeling overwhelmed at your progress, in which case adjust your time frames to be more realistic when setting your schedule.
Maybe planning doesn’t come naturally until you schedule in some regular time each week/day to engage in it.
The point is - don’t give up. All setbacks provide insight into why something didn’t work.
Having tracked his student life for a good month, Ali looks back on the data he has collected and identifies that he is likely to fall behind with his wellbeing habits when there is little accountability. Thus, he decides to exercise with a friend, and sets up a reward system for himself.
Looking over what Ali tracked for his productivity and performance, he recognises that he underestimates how long things take (e.g. summarising a chapter) which can easily lead to feeling demotivated and thus procrastination when time frames blow out. As a result, Ali ends up allowing more time for each task.
Following these adjustments, Ali reviews again after another fortnight and sees there have been some improvements. It also reveals some additional changes that he can make regarding how he organises his student life.
These 3 simple tips are a good starting point to help you organise your studies using a planner. Importantly, it takes time to get into a rhythm and pattern that suits your student life, so don’t feel discouraged if it takes several iterations to find a flow that suits you.
And if you’re interested in learning how to improving study skills, why not check out Nimble Noodle, our online study skills program?
You can also book in with one of our psychologists for a more tailored approach to organising your student life.
Low self-esteem: How perfectionism sets us back...
Why does wanting to be so good leave us feeling so bad?
LOW SELF-ESTEEM AND PERFECTIONISM
by Joyce Chong
We all recognise signs of perfectionism, whether it is within ourselves or within others. Yes, the constant pursuit of excellence can have its positive side, which we see in high-achieving individuals who set and attain lofty goals.
However, in our work as clinical psychologists we’re all too familiar with the negative side of perfectionism, which has been linked to poor body image and eating disorders, unrelenting standards and dissatisfaction in athletes and competitive sports, burnout, as well as anxiety and depression [1],[2],[3],.
In attempting to look at how perfectionism impacts on self-esteem, let's look at three dimensions of perfectionism[4]:
1. Self-oriented perfectionism where expectations of perfectionism are imposed on the self (e.g. “I should…”)
2. Other-oriented perfectionism where expectations of perfectionism are placed onto others (e.g. “They should…”)
3. Socially prescribed perfectionism where we perceive that others are imposing perfectionism on us (e.g. “Society expects that I should…”).
From the above description of these dimensions of perfectionism, it's easy to see how self-esteem can be affected. Consider the following examples:
Taylor believes that a hallmark of success in life is to excel in every area, that is, “having it all”. She places high expectations on the quality of work that she produces, often working long hours to get the job done so that it is faultless (and thus exempt from criticism). She also believes that she must look perfect and as a result goes to the gym after long hours at work, and follows a very restrictive diet. Taylor also feels that her house should look like it belongs in the pages of a magazine, that she must be the supportive and available friend that she expects her own friends to be, and that she should also be an excellent cook and the perfect hostess because that’s what’s expected nowadays.
Mark works long hours and has a keen passion for sport. Unfortunately, his desire to excel in sport is constrained by his work hours which rob him of the time he needs to train so as to perform at the level that he expects of himself. At the same time, he often has to cut back on overtime in order to meet up with his training buddies. As a result he feels unable to give work or sport 100% of his efforts. His other obligations also frustrate him as he feels that these dilute his focus at work and in sport. With his ‘go hard or go home’ attitude, Mark feels like he’s not excelling in any area of his life, which then impacts on how he feels about himself.
Looking at Taylor and Mark it’s easy to understand how perfectionism can impact on self-esteem when we consider the following:
- A drive for excellence leads to setting (unrealistically) high standards in one or various domains
- Time constraints mean that expending time and effort to excel in each and every single domain is not possible
- The inevitable failure to meet the unrealistically high standards impacts on feelings of self-worth
Thus, we see a picture of individuals whose self-worth and self-esteem are overly reliant on unrealistically high standards that are likely unattainable. This leaves them with regular feedback that they have failed to meet their goals.
So, how do you know if your own perfectionism is damaging your self-esteem? Watch out for these signs:
- Do you have standards that are unrealistically high (relative to others’ standards)?
- Do you base your self-worth on whether you achieve these standards (“If…then…” logic)[5]
- Do you feel like you fail to meet your expectations much of the time?
- If you do meet your expectations, do you then discount your achievements?
- Do you have negative self-talk and unhelpful thinking styles around achievement? (“Not good enough”, “I’m a loser if I can’t get it just right”, “I only did well because it was easy…anyone couldn’t done it”, “If I don’t get a High Distinction on this assignment then I’ve failed”).
MAKING CHANGES TO PERFECTIONISM
In working with perfectionism we often find that there is great reluctance to shift unrealistically high standards because of a belief that doing this is the same as failing. However, it’s helpful to reflect on the costs that may result from having such unrealistically high standards:
Is performance in other areas suffering because you focus all of your time and energy on one area?
Is your physical health suffering because of these high standards? Do you fail to listen to your body because in order to be the best you have to suffer and ‘push through the pain’?
Are your mental health and wellbeing suffering because of your perfectionism? Do you feel stressed, anxious, or depressed because of continually trying to meet your high standards?
Are your relationships suffering because of your pursuit of your own standards, or because you impose your unrealistic standards on others? Are you taking time away from nurturing relationships because you must constantly use that time to focus on achieving?
How can you help yourself? Let’s look at a few simple strategies to get you started:
Re-examine what you base your self-worth on. If it is only on achieving goals, and your goals are set so high that you’re unlikely to achieve them, then is it possible that you’re actually setting yourself up to continually feel bad about yourself?
Check your thoughts around effort and goal-attainment to see if they’re realistic. Do you believe that you will only succeed at a job if you devote 100% of your time and effort to the task? If so, you’re likely to run into problems if you expect to do jobs perfectly in all areas of your life (hello, competing demands!).
Alternatively, are your achievements discounted once you’ve attained them because if you can do it then it mustn’t be that difficult in the first place?
Develop realistic expectations and standards to work towards. No, you’re not lowering your standards; you’re developing realistic ones that you can reasonably attain.
Aim for sustainable excellence rather than perfection. Putting 100% effort in for 100% of the time towards a goal that is unlikely to be reached (or if it does, the goal posts then shift further away) sounds like a recipe for burnout. Having to take a break or ease off to restore and recharge yourself will then take you even further away from your unrealistic goal, and likely increase your feelings of frustration and failure.
Finally, a word about making changes when it comes to shifting perfectionism – given that perfectionism can be entrenched, it can be unrealistic and counterproductive to expect that change should happen instantly. Learning new skills to overcome longstanding ways of thinking and behaving takes time and practice, and slip-ups are to be expected. If you find it hard to shift your perfectionism, speak to a mental health professional to help keep you on track with your progress.
Contact us to make an individual appointment if you find that perfectionism is affecting your self-esteem.
REFERENCES
[1] Egan, S.J., Wade, T.D., Shafran, R., & Antony, M.M. (2014). Cognitive-behavioral treatment of perfectionism. New York: The Guilford Press.
[2] Koivula, N., Hassmen, P., & Falby, J. (2002). Self-esteem and perfectionism in elite athletes: effects on competitive anxiety and self-confidence. Personality and Individual Differences, 32, 865-875.
[3] Philp, M., Egan, S.J., & Kane, R. (2012). Perfectionism, over commitment to work, and burnout in employees seeking workplace counselling. Australian Journal of Psychology, 64, 68-74.
[4] Hewitt, P.L, Flett, G.L., & Ediger, E. (1995). Perfectionism traits and perfectionistic self-presentation in eating disorders attitudes, characteristics, and symptoms. International Journal of Eating Disorders, 18, 317-326.
[5] Baldwin, M.W., & Sinclair, L. (1996). Self-esteem and “If…Then” contingencies of interpersonal acceptance. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 71, 1130-1141.
Low Self-Esteem: Thoughts + Thinking Styles
Is your self-talk dragging your self-esteem down? Here’s how thoughts and thinking styles leads to low self esteem
WHAT IS LOW SELF-ESTEEM?
by Joyce Chong (updated 1st February 2022)
Many of us may be familiar with the concept of low self-esteem, but what does it really mean? Essentially, it refers to having a less-than-favourable opinion of yourself. Self-esteem can be considered from different angles [1], including:
Your global or trait self-esteem (how you generally feel about yourself across most situations),
Evaluations of yourself in specific domains (for example how you feel about your performance at work versus how you feel about yourselves as a worthy partner or even your level of body-confidence),
Your self-worth in response to events.
The messages that you hear over the years - from a young age via parents, teachers, other students at school, colleagues, partners - all serve to shape your self-esteem. Some of these messages may then be internalised, and form your internal dialogue, talking at you even when you don’t want them to. This unhelpful self-talk can be ever-present, or sit in the background until a setback (e.g. negative performance review, perceived criticism) causes it to flare up again.
WHAT IS THE IMPACT OF LOW SELF-ESTEEM?
Low self-esteem has a really long reach, affecting linked with many of the issues that we see in our work as psychologists. Consider how it presents in the following circumstances:
Social anxiety + low self-esteem
When you feel bad about yourself, any situation in which you may potentially be evaluated can cause significant anxiety. This can lead to avoidance of parties, gatherings, tests, classes, meetings - the list of situations seems endless. In turn, this can lead to loneliness - even if you wish to form a connection your anxiety stops you from relating to others in a genuine manner as all you can think about is what they think of you.
PERFECTIONISM + LOW SELF-ESTEEM
Feelings of inadequacy can push you to adopt a perfectionistic coping style as you try to be ‘good enough’ so that you appear faultless. This can manifest in different ways, for example:
Spending an excessive amount of time working on an assignment until it seems ‘good enough’.
Catering for a function to such a high standard so that others will form a favourable impression of you.
Acting in ways that others will be in awe of your achievements.
Unfortunately this type of coping can easily lead to burnout as you attempt to prove yourself worthy.
DEPRESSION + LOW SELF-ESTEEM
It can be hard to see a positive future when you don’t feel good about yourself. You may find yourself holding back, not attempting things that you think won’t turn out in your favour, then feel bad about your situation. Low self-esteem can really affect your quality of life because of these constraints, and in turn, your mood.
BODY IMAGE, EATING DISORDERS + LOW SELF-ESTEEM
Self-esteem can be determined by a range of factors, but for some, an overemphasis may be placed on body weight and shape. Where there is a drive for thinness, and the belief that losing weight is linked to feeling good, body image issues and even eating disorders may arise. Learn more about the link between low self-esteem, body image, and eating disorders here.
RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMs, ASSERTIVENESS + LOW SELF-ESTEEM
Self-esteem can lead to issues within your relationship including problems asserting yourself because you don’t believe in your own rights. You may doubt your wishes, assume that you are incorrect, and find it hard to cope in situations of conflict.
WHAT DO THOUGHTS AND THINKING STYLE HAVE TO DO WITH LOW SELF-ESTEEM?
Individuals with low self-esteem often hold the core belief of “I’m not good enough”. In the various areas of their lives these thoughts may take on a slightly different form, for example:
In relationships and friendships, low self-esteem may lead you to think that you aren’t important enough or special enough to deserve your partner or friends, or that you will lose loved ones if they knew the real you. As a result, you may hide your true self, instead moulding your personality and taste to suit others.
At work you may worry that you’re not clever enough or good enough at your work if passed over for a promotion. Or, you may worry that you’re not smart enough or talented enough in comparison to others. These may then create a relentless pursuit of achievement, leading burnout.
Thinking styles help reinforce the ‘not good enough’ thoughts found in low self-esteem[2]. Some time ago we blogged about Thinking Styles that sabotage mental health here. Let’s take a closer look at how these may apply to you when it comes to low self-esteem.
NEGATIVE FILTER Any small negative outcome affects your view of entire events - you may focus on a small slip up even though the rest of the presentation went extremely well.
DISCOUNTING THE POSITIVES Here, anything that you did well in fails to shift your opinion of yourself. So, if you did well on a project you brush it off as something anyone else could’ve done, or if someone compliments you it’s seen as them taking pity on you. In fact, discounting the positives is commonly seen in Imposter Syndrome.
EMOTIONAL REASONING When you feel down about yourself you treat these feelings as facts. For example if you feel inadequate in response to some feedback on a report you wrote, you may interpret this as evidence that you’re a failure.
PERSONALISATION You automatically assume things are your fault and discount the contribution of external factors, or you shoulder far more responsibility for outcomes than is justified. So, while you may have had a disagreement with a friend, you assume that it is entirely your fault, and ignore how their role in the disagreement.
SHOULDS + MUSTS By setting rigid standards for yourself with little wiggle room, you set yourself up to fail or feel disappointed. This may take the form of believing you must work in a particular profession, be of a certain weight, dress a particular way, have a certain number of followers, earn a particular income…the list can be endless. Set these standards too high and you set yourself up for likely failure and the inevitable blow to your self-esteem.
LABELLING Here you view your mistakes to be due entirely to stable internal qualities (i.e. it’s you!), without taking into consideration the situation. So, rather than recognising you didn’t do well at soccer because you’re out of practice, you label yourself as clumsy and useless. By telling yourself that the reason why things don’t work out is because of stable, internal qualities, will that give you a sense that change is possible?
MIND READING Assuming that others think the worst of you is something that people with low self-esteem commonly experience. The difficulty is that treating assumptions as facts means you’re not likely to look for evidence that disconfirms your belief.
HOW TO SHIFT UNHELPFUL THINKING STYLES IN LOW SELF-ESTEEM
Sometimes when you hold a mirror up to yourself it can be daunting to see how entrenched your thoughts and thinking styles are. The challenge of changing these entrenched thoughts and thinking styles can also be quite daunting. Let's break it down by looking at three lines of questioning to get you started:
Where did the messages come from? What was your earliest recollection of feeling this way about yourself? Do these messages still apply in your life today?
Have there been any examples, however small, that contradict how you see yourself? For example, if you believe that you're a terrible student, cast your mind back - have you ever received positive feedback?
What thinking styles are at play? Are you reinforcing your negative self-view by tuning out positives? Are your unrealistic expectations setting you up to feel bad about yourself? Are you assuming what others think of you to be true without stopping to check if your thoughts are accurate?
Make a start on changing how you see yourself using the above questions. If you’re after a more tailored approach and would like to make an appointment (in Perth or via telehealth) feel free to contact us.
REFERENCES
[1] Brown, J.D., Dutton, K.A., & Cook, K.E. (2001). From the top down: Self-esteem and self-evaluation. Cognition and emotion, 15, 615-631.
[2] Edelman, S. (2003). Change your thinking. ABC Books.
How can you counter the winter blues? Check out our tips on how to boost your wellbeing during the colder months.