Positive Psychology: 5 Key Concepts (and how journalling helps with intentional practice)
Boost your wellbeing and resilience with Positive Psychology. In this article we look at 5 key concepts in the field of positive psychology, and how journalling can help you achieve better wellbeing.
Positive Psychology: 5 Key Concepts (and how journalling helps with intentional practice)
By Giulia Villa
“Curing the negatives does not produce the positives.” opined Martin Seligman, the father of positive psychology. With this, Seligman started a movement - and a refreshing detour from traditional psychology by turning our focus away from fixing negatives to maximising positives - to become more resilient. Specifically, those skills used to ‘fix’ our unhappiness differ from those that enable us to become better, more resilient versions of ourselves. Key concepts such as the three routes to happiness, PERMA/PERMAH, strength and values, grit, and gratitude, have found their places in our psychological toolkits. And if there’s anything that the Covid pandemic of the past 18 months has taught us, it’s that we can’t predict the challenges and setbacks that life may throw at us – resilience is key for us to thrive under difficult circumstances.
Positive psychology provides not only a framework, but also outlines behavioural interventions for a happier, more satisfying life. In this article, we highlight five key concepts of positive psychology, look at evidence regarding the effectiveness of psychological interventions, and examine how you can stay focused on the positive psychology track.
5 key concepts in positive psychology
1. The three types of happiness
The concept of happiness is perhaps viewed as synonymous with positive psychology, and the exemplar of positive emotions. Seligman proposed that there are three paths to achieving happiness. The twist is: they are not all equal. The first path, or level, is the Pleasant Life. We all have things that bring us happiness in the moment: that delicious slice of cake, sleeping in to avoid work, a few (maybe too many) drinks with friends. However whilst these bring us pleasure in the short term, the instant gratification we get from the Pleasant Life does not necessarily translate long-term happiness.
This brings us to the second type of happiness - the Good Life. We pursue happiness through this path by being engaged in what we do. We become engaged and live the Good Life when we frequently use our strengths and virtues in our day-to-day life. Engagement might look like being passionate about your work, building your personal relationships, or pursuing new hobbies.
The ultimate path to happiness is the Meaningful Life. We can lead a Meaningful Life when we use our strengths and character traits to serve a cause or purpose that is bigger than us. There is no singular cause that will be important to everyone, so infusing our life with meaning involves reflecting on what really matters to us.
To learn more about the 3 types of happiness head on over to this article.
2. PERMA/PERMAH
Another important concept in Positive Psychology is that of PERMA, which are the five building blocks of resilience and wellbeing identified by Seligman - Positive emotions, Engagement, Relationships, Meaning and Accomplishment. Let’s refresh these five components before we introduce the latest building block. In brief:
Positive emotions are important for resilience and wellbeing. In the moment, we can increase positive emotions by simply choosing to do things we enjoy. Practicing gratitude is a great way to feel more positively about the past and future.
We experience Engagement when we are fully immersed in an activity that requires our strengths, skills, and focus.
Intentionally investing in positive Relationships gives us purpose whilst building a protective tool against our own struggles.
We can all live a life filled with Meaning by working towards a purpose that is bigger than ourselves.
We gain a sense of Accomplishment by achieving goals that are important to us.
The latest research in positive psychology has expanded this model to add a sixth determinant of wellbeing: physical Health. We can break this down into three pillars:
Movement Recent research shows that those who exercise regularly are less likely to suffer from mental health disorders such as anxiety and depression.[1] Physical activity can reduce stress, boost mood and improve self-esteem.[2]
Healthy diet What we eat impacts how we feel not only physically but mentally. Alongside reducing the risk of chronic disease, a balanced diet can improve mood as well as cognitive function. A population study found that consumption of fruit and vegetables was the most consistent predictor of mental wellbeing.[3]
Sleep It’s challenging going about daily life under a cloud of tiredness, let alone try to improve ourselves. A lack of sleep can leave us feeling cranky and struggling to concentrate (hello brain fog). On the other hand, being well-rested is associated with positive emotions and having purpose – which we already know is key to achieving a Meaningful Life![4]
Learn more about the relationship between physical health and psychological wellbeing.
3. Strength and Virtues
So far, we have mentioned using your strengths to live an engaging and meaningful life, but it can be challenging to look inwards and know what these strengths are. Seligman and his colleague Peterson developed the Values in Action (VIA) Character Strengths Survey, comprising 24 character strengths categorized under six overarching virtues (Wisdom and knowledge, Courage, Humanity, Justice, Temperance, and Transcendence).[5]
In a similar vein to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), which is used for classification and diagnosis in traditional psychology, the VIA provides a framework to empirically assess and classify positive traits.
The VIA Strengths survey helps identify particular strengths, and by frequently applying and working on these strengths we are able to thrive and flourish.
Dr. Niemic from the VIA Institute on Character encourages us to be mindful and reflect on the role of our strengths in our lives: what strengths do we use when we are at our best? What about to overcome our struggles? We may notice that we have gravitated towards job opportunities, study paths, or hobbies which call on our strengths. Setting goals involving identifying strengths we wish to use more often, and integrating it into our daily routines. The more we practice tapping into our strengths, the more likely they are to become part of our routines and increase meaning and satisfaction in life. Head here for some great articles on how to harness strengths on a daily basis.
4. Grit
Grit is defined as passion for, and perseverance towards, long-term goals. It’s what keeps us going in the face of challenges. Research has found that grit is a greater predictor of success than other measures such as IQ and conscientiousness.[6] Not only do grittier people experience more success, they are also more resilient and find it easier to bounce back from adversity.
Unlike IQ, which remains relatively stable throughout adulthood, we can actually work to improve our own grit through intentional practice. Becoming ‘grittier’ requires a shift in mindset, involving examining those beliefs that hold us back, those beliefs that lead us to give up on things when we feel frustrated, or those that stop us from attempting a challenge out of fear.
Increasing grit involves crafting a balance between maintaining effort and interest. By varying mindset, seeing challenges and setbacks as learning opportunities, and incrementally stepping in the right direction, grit can be strengthened.
5. Gratitude
The practice of gratitude is not just the latest fad taking the wellness world by storm. Being grateful is a great way to amplify the effects of what is going ‘right’ in our life: a key tenet of positive psychology. In fact, the very act of expressing or receiving gratitude triggers the release of “happy” neurotransmitters in our brain: dopamine and serotonin.[7] These chemicals help us feel good and tap into those positive emotions, which we know are essential for wellbeing. The key to strengthening these neural pathways is to make gratitude a habit. To increase the likelihood of success, anchor gratitude practice to everyday tasks. Some examples of this are:
Jotting down a gratitude list whilst on the train to work.
Ending each day by naming three good things that happened that day, for example by journalling.
Writing a thank you message to a friend after spending some time with them.
How does positive psychology apply to real life?
Does positive psychology have the potential to trigger long term positive change? Let’s take a look at the evidence. For many, the workplace is an environment that conjures stress and anxiety. With the additional weight of the pandemic on our shoulders, it is no surprise that 63% of workers are experiencing decreased mental health due to workplace changes.[8]
To learn more about causes of burnout at work, check out our previous blog posts Early Career Burnout: Part 1 – Personal factors and Early Career Burnout: Part 2 – Workplace factors. Alongside addressing the personal and organisational factors mentioned in these articles, research suggests that positive psychology plays an important role on workplace performance and wellbeing. Positive psychology interventions in the workplace, such as gratitude diaries and capitalising on individual strengths, are linked to reduced stress and burnout amongst employees.[9]
Positive psychology is not just for adults. In schools, intervention programs based on positive psychology concepts have been successful at improving relationships and academic performance whilst reducing stress levels and symptoms of anxiety and depression in students.[10][11]
How journaling helps you practice Positive Psychology
So far, we have learnt about the key concepts in positive psychology and the effectiveness of positive psychology. But how can we maintain regular practice in order to reap the benefits of positive psychology in daily life? The answer: Intentional practice.
Intentional (or deliberate) practice aims to bring awareness and intent to all components of the to-be-implemented change. This means being mindful of the “what” and the “how”. Start by asking the following questions:
What is the desired outcome?
What behaviours need to be practised to achieve that outcome?
How will these behaviours bring about the desired outcome?
Resilience can be built through the intentional practice of evidence-based wellbeing interventions [12] in much the same way as deliberate practice helps with learning, skill acquisition, and expert performance in a wide range of areas (e.g. athletics, musical performance, etc.). Thus, for all of the 5 key concepts of positive psychology covered above, intentional practice can be applied in the following ways:
Positive emotions can be amplified through our intentional choice of activities that make us feel good.
A regular conscious practice of gratitude teaches us to intentionally focus on the positive sides of an experience.[13]
The intentional choice of activities in which we can express our strengths brings meaning and satisfaction to our lives.
One simple way to engage in intentional practice is via guided journalling, which is easily accessible to anyone. Journaling has been shown to improve psychological wellbeing and stress management.[14][15] It’s a highly portable activity that does not require significant planning, and the act of journalling gives you time to focus on enhancing your wellbeing.
Committing to journaling regularly, and in a guided manner to focus on the principles of positive psychology, can help you reach your goals and boost your wellbeing. It can be as simple as journalling about the positive aspects of your day, about a positive memory, or things that make you happy. Make a start today, and start journalling your way to improved wellbeing and resilience.
If a more structured approach is what will help you stick with the task, why not try guided journalling? Check out My Happy Place, a 30-day positive psychology-based journal with guided prompts.
If you’d like a tailored approach to building up your resilience and wellbeing reserves, why not contact us to make an appointment and get started?
REFERENCES
[1] Kandola, A. A., Osborn, D. P., Stubbs, B., Choi, K. W., & Hayes, J. F. (2020). Individual and combined associations between cardiorespiratory fitness and grip strength with common mental disorders: a prospective cohort study in the UK Biobank. BMC Medicine, 18(1), 1-11.
[2] Mikkelsen, K., Stojanovska, L., Polenakovic, M., Bosevski, M., & Apostolopoulos, V. (2017). Exercise and mental health. Maturitas, 106, 48-56.
[3] Stranges, S., Samaraweera, P. C., Taggart, F., Kandala, N. B., & Stewart-Brown, S. (2014). Major health related behaviors and mental wellbeing in the general population: The health survey for England. BMJ Open, 4(9).
[4] Steptoe, A., O'Donnell, K., Marmot, M., & Wardle, J. (2008). Positive affect, psychological well-being, and good sleep. Journal of Psychosomatic Research, 64(4), 409-415.
[5] Peterson, C., & Seligman, M.E.P. (2004). Character strengths and virtues: A handbook and classification. New York: Oxford University Press and Washington, DC: American Psychological Association.
[6] Duckworth, A. L., Peterson, C., Matthews, M. D., & Kelly, D. R. (2007). Grit: perseverance and passion for long-term goals. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 92(6), 1087.
[7] Zahn, R., Moll, J., Paiva, M., Garrido, G., Krueger, F., Huey, E. D., & Grafman, J. (2009). The neural basis of human social values: evidence from functional MRI. Cerebral Cortex, 19(2), 276-283.
[8] Relationships Australia. (2020). COVID-19 and its effects on relationships. https://relationships.org.au/what-we-do/research/online-survey/AprilSurveyReportRelationshipsAustralia3.pdf
[9] Meyers, M. C., van Woerkom, M., & Bakker, A. B. (2013). The added value of the positive: A literature review of positive psychology interventions in organizations. European Journal of Work and Organizational Psychology, 22(5), 618-632.
[10] Shoshani, A., & Steinmetz, S. (2014). Positive psychology at school: A school-based intervention to promote adolescents’ mental health and well-being. Journal of Happiness Studies, 15(6), 1289-1311.
[11] Waters, L. (2011). A review of school-based positive psychology interventions. The Educational and Developmental Psychologist, 28(2), 75-90.
[12] Kaye-Kauderer, H., Feingold, J.H., Feder, A., Southwick, S., & Charney, D. (2021). Resilience in the age of COVID-19. BJPsych Advances, 27, 166-178.
[13] Emmons, R. A., & Mishra, A. (2011). Why gratitude enhances well-being: What we know, what we need to know. In K. M. Sheldon, T. B. Kashdan, & M. F. Steger (Eds.), Designing Positive Psychology: Taking and Moving Forward (pp. 248-262). NY: Oxford University Press.
[14] Dimitroff, L.J., Sliwoski, L., O’Brien, S., & Nichols, L.W. (2017). Change your life through journaling – The benefits of journaling for registered nurses. Journal of Nursing Education and Practice, 7, 90-98.
[15] Pastore, C. (2020). Stress management in college students: why journaling is the most effective technique for this demographic. (Unpublished Honours thesis, State University of New York, New York). Retrieved from https://soar.suny.edu/handle/20.500.12648/1512
Crafting a moment of mindfulness - How to find time to be mindful when life is busy
Mindfulness is now firmly entrenched in our consciousness, but how can we find a moment to fit mindfulness into our busy modern day lives?
CRAFTING A MOMENT OF MINDFULNESS
By Joyce Chong and Megan Nielsen
Mindfulness. Since our clinical psychologist Annie first wrote in her article Confessions of a Mindfulness Sceptic way back in 2016, research supporting the benefits of mindfulness across a range of populations and presenting concerns has continued to explode[1][2][3]. We have seen a proliferation of mindfulness activities in our collective consciousness – mindful eating, mindful walking, mindful meditation, mindful communication, mindfulness-based stress reduction, mindfulness based cognitive therapy. There are apps, blogs, and workshops all designed to help us become more mindful, be more present, and be more relaxed. And yet… in our busy, modern-day lives, is mindfulness just another thing that we should be doing, yet another additional wellbeing activity to get on top on?
(Even more reasons) Why we should get into mindfulness
Mindfulness is not a flash in the pan, it’s not a fleeting fad. It has its roots in Eastern religion, and was brought sharply into secular focus by Jon Kabat-Zinn (most famously through Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction). Over the years, it has exploded in popularity due to its many benefits, including:
Improvements in physical health[9]
Yet…often when we know we should do something, we may experience mild resistance, or feel overloaded by mindfulness being yet. another. thing. on our ever-expanding To Do list when we are already overwhelmed by our busy schedules. So…what’s the solution when you don’t have a solid hour each day to focus on meditating?
Crafting moments of mindfulness in a busy schedule
Well, here at The Skill Collective we’re BIG fans of practicality, and if that means finding ways to incorporate mindfulness into everyday routines, we’re all for it. Everyday mindfulness is about performing everyday activities with intent to be mindful and ‘all in’ with your focused attention. Easy ways to engage in everyday mindfulness include mindful eating and mindful walking, being mindful on your commute to and from work, or even mindfully brushing your teeth or washing your hair.
But if we are looking to supercharge our mindfulness activities, then why not dip into those types of activities many of us have in our back pocket… our hobbies. Many of us have some sort of hobby that we enjoy, and find meaningful to us. In fact, hobbies are an ideal choice for practising mindfulness because:
We’re more likely to engage with them because we are already interested in them, find them enjoyable, allow us to be creative, and give us a sense of achievement. This is a great contrast to the passive down time we get by flopping on the couch and scrolling through social media.
They often require our minds to focus on what we are doing, which enables us to tune out of worries and rumination that may otherwise consume our attention.[10]
Hobbies often have a repetitive element to them (e.g. practising a musical piece, weeding the garden, writing or journaling, hiking, practising a golf swing, kneading bread, knitting a sweater), and animal studies have shown that repetitive movements are linked to increases in serotonin and dopamine which adds to the feel-good factor.[11][12][13]
Indeed, when we look at research into mindfulness in what we could consider hobby-based activities we find a strong link between mindfulness and improvements to wellbeing in the literature on art therapy, with increasing focus into the benefits of crafts such as knitting, sewing, and mending on improved wellbeing and decreased stress levels. [14][15][16]
How do we ‘do’ mindfulness when it comes to hobbies?
If the manner in which you’re most familiar with mindfulness is through mindfulness meditation, as popularised by apps such as Headspace and Smiling Mind, applying everyday mindfulness to your hobbies may take a bit of practice. For any activity, being mindful means:
Paying attention in a particular way so you’re noticing feedback from all of your senses
…on purpose so you’re attuned to what you’re doing, and not much else
…in the present moment, rather than on a conversation you had yesterday or what you’ll make for dinner tonight
…and non-judgementally such that you’re noticing and describing, rather than judging experiences as being positive or negative.
And that’s it, really! Of course, while it sounds simple, mindfulness can be tricky. Your mind will wander, and you may notice unpleasant sensations, thoughts, and negative emotions come to the fore. That is fine, and part of mindfulness. Through regular practice, it will become easier to redirect your focus to the task at hand.
Now for a deep dive into ‘doing’ mindfulness when it comes to hobbies, we’ll hand over now to the amazing Meg Nielsen from Megan Nielsen Patterns to show us how it’s done. Not only is Meg an amazing pattern designer who lives and breathes all things sewing-related, she is a big believer in good psychological health and resilience. From what started out as a hobby, Meg has turned it into a passion, a business (did we mention she was named in the 2020 40 Under 40 Business Award in Western Australia?), and also built an amazing sewing community around her which also goes to show the benefits (not just mindfulness-based!) that hobbies can bring.
Hi, I’m Meg from Megan Niesen Patterns, and I’m thrilled to share with you the many ways in which sewing helps with mindfulness, mental health and wellbeing.
I have a tendency to stress, overthink, ruminate and allow the worries of the day, life and world in general take over my mind. Intentionally removing my mental attention from these negative pursuits is something that I have actively been learning to do over many years – and will probably continue to keep learning throughout my life.
Along with prioritizing intentional prayer and quiet moments each morning, engaging with creative hobbies and participating in the creative community have been integral to my mental health.
There are so many ways that I’ve found my creative hobbies help me to remain mindful and connected and I’m excited to share few today!
Mindfulness when learning something new
I will often pick up a new creative hobby as I seek out the “beginner state” – that period of time where you don’t know what you are doing and are learning and engrossed. I love the beginner state and I find the state of learning naturally mindful. Since you don’t know what you’re doing when it comes to learning a new skill, you more naturally need to focus on the task at hand with an open purposeful attitude. I’ve learnt knitting, screen printing, shoe making, crochet, quilting, embroidery, sketching, painting and of course garment sewing (my true love). Beyond the initial state of learning, I find that in general I think sewing and crafting are full of activities that if done mindfully are incredibly restful. I find all stages of the process of making something fully engaging, and they force me to focus my attention on the present with a purpose and often include repetitive quiet actions.
Mindfulness when planning my next project
For anyone who sews, ironing and cutting your fabric before you begin sewing can often be considered an inconvenience before a project can begin. But I look forward to this preparation stage and I often use this time to be more mindful and present, in the place of more passive relaxation like watching tv. I tend to save my cutting out for the evenings when my children are asleep. I enjoy the process of wiping down my dinner table, carefully ironing and pressing the fabric, laying pattern pieces out, pinning and thoughtfully cutting. I’m known for my love of carefully matching stripes and prints in fabric, and part of the reason I do it so often is an intentional decision not just to enjoy the challenge, but knowing how much it engrosses my attention. It’s hard for your mind to wander when you are fully focused on matching stripes! An evening spent carefully preparing and cutting out fabric leaves me more calm and ready for sleep than anything else, as well as fully prepared to tackle my sewing project when I next have the time to.
Mindfulness in activity - Removing distractions.
I am an extrovert by nature, I really enjoy human interaction and have never enjoyed being on my own, but I’m learning the important of intentional quiet. When engaging in a hobby for relaxation I like to remove all distractions like the tv, music or being near other people. Ideally I find making something in a quiet room or during the evenings on my own allows me to give my full attention to the task and helps me remain more relaxed.
Mindfulness in activity - Embroidery and hand sewing
My number one go to activity for hobby based mindfulness is hand sewing. I will often choose to hand sew a hem or add embroidery to a project knowing that it will force me to sit quietly with a cup of tea and focus on the task.
One such activity is Sashiko stitching, which at its core is repetitive and asks the maker to focus on the rhythm of stitching whilst appreciating the materials and connecting with what you are making. As you can see from the photos below, Sashiko is a series of simple stitches, done repetitively.
Sashiko is the perfect activity for a spot of mindfulness for me because:
I focus on just a few simple elements: The feel of the fabric, the delicate thread, the needle, and the repetitive movement of my hand stitching.
The repetitive needle action is incredibly soothing, and I often look up surprised to see how much time has passed.
In addition to Sashiko stitching, there are plenty of other forms of sewing and embroidery projects that I’ve dipped into this past year to help me remain mindful and restful. Here are some other examples of me crafting my moments of mindfulness!
lf you’re keen to learn more about mindfulness and sewing, or to see me deep in Sashiko stitching, head on over here and here. Here’s to crafting many more mindful moments!
REFERENCES
[1] Querstret, D., Morison, L, Dickson, S., Cropley, M., John, M. (2020). Mindfulness-based stress reduction and mindfulness-based cognitive therapy for psychological health and well-being in nonclinical samples: A systematic review and meta-analysis. International Journal of Stress Management, 27, 394-411.
[2] Sanada, K., Montero-Marin, J., Barcelo-Soler, A., Ikuse, D., Ota, M., Hirata, A., Yoshizawa, A., Hatanaka, R., Valero, M., Demarzo, M., Campayo, J.G., & Iwanami, A. (2020). Effects of mindfulness-based interventions on biomarkers and low-grade inflammation in patients with psychiatric disorders: A meta-analytic review. International Journal of Molecular Sciences, 21, 2484.
[3] Goldberg, S.B., Riordan, K.M., Sun, S., & Davidson, R.J. (2021). The empirical status of mindfulness-based interventions: A systematic review of 44 meta-analyses of randomized controlled trials. Perspectives on Psychological Science: A journal of the Association of Psychological Science doi: 10.1177/1745691620968771.
[4] Chiesa, A., Calati, R., Serretti, A. (2011). Does mindfulness training improve cognitive abilities? A systematic review of neuropsychological findings. Clinical Psychology Review, 31, 449-464.
[5] Chambers, R., Lo, B.C.Y., & Allen, N.B. (2007). The impact of intensive mindfulness training on attentional control, cognitive style, and affect. Cognitive Therapy and Research, 32, 302-322.
[7] Carsley, D., & Heath, N.L., (2018). Effectiveness of mindfulness-base colouring for test anxiety in adolescents. School Psychology International, 1-22. doi: 10.1177/0143034318773523 journals.sagepub.com/home/spi
[8] Segal, Z.V., Williams, J.M.G., Teasdale, J.D. (2002). Mindfulness-based cognitive therapy for depression: A new approach to preventing relapse. Guilford Press.
[9] Pascoe, M.C., Thompson, D.R., Jenkins, Z.M., & Ski, C.F. (2017). Minfulness mediates the physiological markers of stress: Systematic review and meta-analysis. Journal of Psychiatric Research, 95, 156-178.
[10] Wharton, E., & Kanas, N. (2019) Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction for the Treatment of Anxiety Disorders, International Journal of Group Psychotherapy, 69, 362-372, doi: 10.1080/00207284.2019.1599289
[11] Lambert, K.G. (2006). Rising rates of depression in today’s society: Consideration of the role of effort-based rewards and enhanced resilience in day-to-day functioning. Neuroscience and Biobehavioral Reviews, 30, 497-510.
[12] Jacobs, B., 1994. Serotonin, motor activity and depression-related disorders. American Science, 82, 456–463.
[13] Treadway, M.T., & Lazar, S.W. (2009), The neurobiology of mindfulness. In F. Didonna (ed.). Clinical Handbook of Mindfulness. Springer.
[14] Monti, D. A., Peterson, C., Kunkel, E. J. S., Hauck, W. W., Pequignot, E., Rhodes, L., et al. (2006). A randomized, controlled trial of mindfulness-based art therapy (MBAT) for women with cancer. Psychooncology 15, 363–373. doi: 10.1002/pon.988
[15] Hinchey, L. M. (2018). "Mindfulness-Based Art Therapy: A Review of the Literature." Inquiries Journal, 10(05). Retrieved from http://www.inquiriesjournal.com/a?id=1737
[16] Twinnger Holroyd, A. (2016). Perceptions and practices of dress-related leisure: shopping, sorting, making and mending. Annals of Leisure Research, 19, 275-293. https://doi.org/10.1080/11745398.2015.1111148
PERMA: The Ingredients for Resilience + Wellbeing
Looking to build up your resilience and wellbeing reserves? Meet your new best friend PERMA, the key 5 ingredients from positive psychology for better resilience and wellbeing.
PERMA: The ingredients for resilience + wellbeing
What enables some people to bounce back from challenges while others crumble in a crisis? Well Martin Seligman, the father of Positive Psychology, studied resilience and wellbeing to answer this very question. In doing so, Seligman developed the PERMA Model, which contains five factors to help you build resilience and wellbeing - Positive emotions, Engagement, (positive) Relationships, Meaning, and Accomplishment. [1]Positive psychology shifts traditional ideas of psychology from working on fixing what is 'wrong', to focusing on what works, on strengths, on skills, and on enhancing the positives. Positive psychology has a lot to teach us about how to achieve and maintain long-term wellbeing.
Let’s look at each element of the PERMA model.
POSITIVE EMOTIONS
Positive emotions like happiness have an obvious connection to wellbeing. When we feel positive emotions we perform better, we respond more helpfully in our relationships, and we are more willing to hope for the best future, and to take risks to achieve that future.
How do we bring about positive emotions? The short answer is to do the things that make you happy. Fill your life with the things that make you smile – food, friends that build you up rather than drag you down, music, gardening, movies, exercise. Whatever it is that makes you feel good. Things like gratitude diaries are also great ways to train your mind towards the positive.
ENGAGEMENT
Have you ever had a time when you were enjoying what you were doing so much so that you were completely absorbed by it? So on a roll writing a report or assignment that an hour slipped by unnoticed? So enthralled with that Game of Thrones episode that you didn’t hear your partner calling your name? So blissed out during yoga that the past and the future just fell away and you felt completely in the present?
Psychologists call that experience “flow” - a state of being fully engaged with a task and, according to Seligman, engagement is one of the five crucial building blocks of wellbeing. We all achieve flow doing different things – sport for some, music for others, a hobby or a work project. Figure out what in your life gives you a sense of engagement.
(positive) RELATIONSHIPS
Humans are built to belong. We need connection, intimacy, and emotional and physical contact with others.
An integral part of overall wellbeing, therefore, is our relationships. We struggle with our wellbeing when our relationships are destructive, draining, one-sided, or we are just isolated. However if your relationships make you feel supported, included, understood and cared for, you have set yourself up for a lifetime of wellbeing.
Be conscious of building your relationships and you will be working not just on relationships but on overall life satisfaction.
MEANING
Seeing and working towards a meaning that is bigger and more important than just your own happiness is also important.
Having a purpose to your life brings satisfaction, even if working towards that purpose does not directly bring positive emotion, flow, or any of the other building blocks of wellbeing. This might be a religious faith, a political agenda, community work or perhaps charity work. Being with like-minded people working towards a common goal that you really believe in brings significance to your life.
ACCOMPLISHMENT
The final building block that allows humans to flourish is accomplishment, or a sense of mastery over something. Gaining mastery over something is important for its own sake, even if the accomplishment is not linked to any of the other building blocks of wellbeing.
Ever wonder why you keep doing Sudoku, even though it has no real world application? Why you are driven to get to the next level of Candy Crush Saga, or why you keep building that Lego construction even after your kid has drifted onto another activity? It’s important to know that we can do something well, that we can set a goal and reach it, and enjoy that feeling of success.
THE BOTTOM LINE?
People who adopt and live by these five concepts have been shown to do better at university, excel even after setbacks in sports, are less likely to experience depression or post traumatic stress, and even have a lower risk of premature death[2].
So stop and think. How can you apply the PERMA model to your own life? By being consistent in filling your life with positive emotions, engagement, good relationships, meaning and accomplishment you set yourself up to weather the storms in life more readily, and enjoy the blessings in life more fully.
If you’d like a tailored approach to building up your resilience and wellbeing reserves, why not contact us to make an appointment and get started?
How to improve your parent-child relationship
A secure attachment is one of the best gifts that you can give your children - it sets them up for healthy relationships when they get older. Read on for our tips on how to improve your parent-child relationship.
How to improve your parent-child relationship
Parenting can be hard work. From ensuring that your children have a roof over their heads, food in their stomach, friends to play with, an education, and a life path - it’s easy to get caught up in providing for (rather than connecting with) your children. Importantly, parent-child relationships form the template for future relationships that they will have with friends, partners, and their own children. Therefore, the attachment that you form with your child is something to pay close attention to. In this post we’ll look at the different types of attachment as well as 5 tips for strengthening the parent-child relationship.
A bit about attachment and relationships
Children with a secure attachment learn that they are loved and supported. They are encouraged to explore the world, feel secure enough in their bond with their parent to venture out, and are welcomed with open arms when they return.
Research suggests that a secure attachment in infancy is linked with greater sociability, better emotion regulation, higher self-esteem and greater empathy.[1] From this secure base a child feels more comfortable navigating what lies ahead in life.
Sometimes, the process of forming a secure attachment can be interrupted. Perhaps you have a child that has been unwell, fussy, or quite difficult to settle. Perhaps you have struggled with ongoing stress, depression or anxiety. Or perhaps you’ve faced challenges in your relationship with your own parents and thus a secure attachment may feel uncomfortable.
All these things can sometimes make it difficult for you to be the parent that you want to be, but regardless of your parent-child attachment there are things that you can work on to strengthen the relationship. Read on for our 5 tips for strengthening the parent-child relationship.
TIP 1: Take care of yourself
Taking care of yourself may seem counterintuitive at first given we’ve spoken at length about focusing on your child and the outcomes of attachment for your child. However, it’s important to remember that you play a role in the attachment too!
Just like being told to secure your own oxygen mask on the plane before your children’s, it’s important to ensure you are paying attention to, and responding to your own needs. After all, if the parents aren’t ok, how can we expect their little ones to be?
Feeling stressed and overwhelmed can affect your ability to handle the daily challenges of parenting, and leach into how you interact with your children. So, tune into your own needs, know how to meet them, and schedule time to meet these needs (rather than consider them as something to get around to doing ‘when you have a spare moment). In doing so, you not only develop greater capacity to handle the ups and downs of parenthood, but being calmer also provides a more solid and secure foundation for understanding and responding to your children’s needs.
TIP 2: Put yourself in their shoes
What are your children thinking? What are they feeling? What do they need from you? It can be hard to know what is going on for them, moment-to-moment. They can sometimes seem like a puzzle and it can take a few tries to find the piece that fits.
Sometimes our children’s behaviour can be a red-herring – masking what is really going on. Take, for example, a little boy who gets angry and lashes out when you’re trying to wind up an afternoon playdate in the park. His behaviour at that point can surely seem challenging, particularly as you’ve attempted to create a nice afternoon for him.
Step outside your own thoughts and feelings about your boy’s behaviour for the moment, and try to put yourself in his shoes:
Could he be feeling anxious because he doesn’t understand that this goodbye is not final and that he will see his friend again? If this is the case what might he need to hear to help him to manage his anxiety?
Could he be feeling overstimulated, and finding it difficult to cope with everything that is going on? If so, what would be the best way to help him cope with everything that is going on?
Try to hang in there - by approaching it from their perspective it can make it easier to understand what the issue is.
TIP 3: Is your messaging on point?
Consider what messages you send your children through your own comments and behaviour. Children are like sponges, absorbing what they see and hear. What you say and do helps shape their understanding of the world. They start to understand how relationships work by watching you with your partner and your parents. They start to learn about how to relate to their looks, to others, and to their abilities based on what you focus on. They develop attitudes like yours simply because that’s what they’ve been exposed to.
For example, watching your children start to explore the world on their own can sometimes be anxiety-provoking. Understandably, you may want to protect them from harm, but sometimes your anxiety can ‘leak out’. If you become overly anxious as your children start to explore, you may inadvertently send them the message that the world is a dangerous place or that they’re not capable.
TIP 4: Help your children organise their feelings
Big feelings can be confusing and distressing for adults, let alone little ones. Our children need help to make sense of big feelings and learn how to respond to them appropriately.
Many of the coping strategies we use as adults are learned when we are very young, so help your children organise their feelings by helping to label them and to use helpful coping strategies. This helps them grow into healthy adults.
So, if your child is scared of doing News at school, you can help by naming anxiety and its symptoms (e.g. butterflies in the tummy), then focus on some practical strategies including:
Teaching them some mindfulness techniques and talking about different situations they can use them in,
Normalise these feelings, and if you’ve experienced the same thing share your experiences
Help them gradually approach doing News in a less scary manner, for example start out doing News in front of a group of toys, then in front of the family, all the time reinforcing gains made.
TIP 5: Conflict happens…it’s what you do with it that matters
No one can be completely attuned to another person all the time. Sometimes we misinterpret our children’s behaviour or, in the haze of sleep deprivation and busy schedules we might get irritated and snap our children. Not only are these ‘slip ups’ to be expected, they are important.
These slip ups give us an opportunity to teach our children how to repair relationships when something goes wrong – but we need to make the first move. So if you don’t quite know where to start, think about how you would like someone to approach you if they’ve snapped at you.
REFERENCES
[1] Sroufe, L.A. (2005) Attachment and development: A prospective, longitudinal study from birth to adulthood, Attachment & Human Development, 7, 349-367, DOI: 10.1080/14616730500365928
How to build better relationships
There’s always room for improvement when it comes to successful and loving connections with your partner or spouse. Read on to see our 4 top tips for building better romantic relationships.
4 tips to build better relationships
What does it take to live a healthier and happier life? It turns out, surprisingly, that it’s positive relationships that are central to health and wellbeing - particularly during challenging times. [1] Healthy relationships (of all sorts) benefit us not only through influencing our health choices but also by buffering against times of stress through social support. [2][3][4][5] But in our stressful modern-day lives, maintaining face-to-face relationships can be a challenge. Today we’re focusing on romantic relationships, as while these are important we sometimes treat them as an afterthought. Read on for our 4 tips to build a better relationship with your partner.
TIP 1: Be present, not just physically there
Does this scene sound familiar? Couples out for dinner or brunching on the weekend, sitting together yet not connecting. They may be Instagramming photos of their food, messaging friends, or simply just distracted, and there’s little conversation happening. Sure, they’re physically there, but are they actually present?
Yes, life gets busy, and the temptation can be to 'get ahead' by checking devices, mentally rehearsing the mental To Do list, or multitasking. The problem is that when we're distracted we miss the opportunity to connect with our loved ones. And it shows – just as when you can tell if your partner has tuned out of your conversation, so too your partner can tell the same of you.
So, choose a time – be it breakfast on the weekend, half an hour at the end of each day - to really be present. And, wherever you are, be there wholeheartedly. Turn off your devices, keep your attention fully on your partner, and try to live in the moment.
TIP 2: Share
It's easy to fall into defined roles in romantic relationships – the Talker versus the Listener, the Giver versus the Taker. Relationships can end up quite one-sided. Sure, it may seemingly work, however the benefits of good relationship can’t be gained from sitting on the sidelines.
Research has shown that personal self-disclosure is important for maintaining good relationships [1]. So that means not just being a good listener but being willing to be listened to as well, and being okay to take when you generally feel more comfortable giving. Share the good, the bad and the ugly with your partner.
TIP 3: Invest
Modern life can be busy and stressful, filled with deadlines to meet, appointments to attend, family and friends to keep in touch with, household chores to take care of, and so on. Along the line, relationships can fall by the wayside as our attention gets diverted to things that are more immediate and pressing. Amongst all of this busy scheduling and putting out of fires, we seem to think our relationships will just tick along without us having to actively work at it!
However, let’s let in a healthy dose of realism. When have things just ticked along without any effort on our part? Our productivity, our health, and our wellbeing all require work, so why would relationships be any different? So, be deliberate in investing your time and effort when it comes to your romantic relationship. Make phone calls or send a quick message to show your partner that you care. Plan dates. Be available. Follow up on conversations. Recognise that what you’re doing will be worth the effort.
TIP 4: Play
Building better relationships for better health is serious business, but that doesn’t mean that you have to be too serious. If you want to build a better relationship, then start by being fun to be around. Get out of your comfort zone and try new things, take up a hobby.
Play time can also help you to destress and feel more relaxed and, in turn, less reactive when it comes to interacting with your partner. So, schedule some leisure time into your week, where your only aim is to rest, relax and have some fun. Your relationship will thank you for it.
With these four easy tips you can get on the path to a better relationship this week. If you find there's conflict and tension in your relationships why not check out our Resource Library Tip Sheet on How to get unstuck from conflict in relationships? Written by our clinical psychologist Annie Malcolm, here’s a sneak peek below, and you can sign up for it (and access to all of our other Tip Sheets on wellbeing, mental health, and performance in our Resource Library).
Want more? You can connect with The Skill Collective in the following ways:
Contact us to make an individual appointment to get started on making changes.
Get access to our FREE resource library filled with exclusive tip-sheets on Wellbeing, Mental Health, and Performance that you won't find here on the blog
Join our FREE 14-day Wellbeing Challenge. Tailored for busy lives we're talking wellbeing tips for better body, mind, and heart in just 15 minutes a day, delivered straight to your inbox.
REFERENCES
[1] Simon, R. (2002). Revisiting the Relationships among Gender, Marital Status, and Mental Health. American Journal of Sociology, 107, 1065-1096
[2] Holt-Lunstad, J., Birmingham, W. & Jones, B.Q. (2008). Is there Something Unique about Marriage? The Relative Impact of Marital Status, Relationship Quality, and Network Social Support on Ambulatory Blood Pressure and Mental Health. Annals of Behavioural Medicine, 35, 239-244.
[3] Braithwaite, S., Delevi, R, Finchanm, F. (2010). Romantic relationships and the physical and mental health of college students. Personal Relationships, 17, 1–12.
[4] Overbeek, G, Stattin, H. (2007). Parent-Child relationships, partner relationships and emotional adjustment: a birth to maturity prospective study. Developmental Psychology, 43, 429-437
[5] Holt-Lunstad, J., Smith, T.B., Layton, J.B. (2010). Social Relationships and Mortality Risk: A meta-analytic review Published: July 27, (2010). https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pmed.1000316
[6] Jackson, T., Soderlind, A. & Weiss, K. E. (2000). Personality traits and quality of relationships as predictors of future loneliness among American college students. Social Behavior and Personality: An international journal, 28, 463-470.
Spring Clean Your Fitness
We all know that we *should* exercise, but how can we make it a habit?
Spring Clean Your Fitness
If you’ve been following our blog for some time you’ll know that each September we hold our Spring Clean Your Life series.
Well this year we’re doing our own Spring Clean on our website, hence we’ve been a bit quiet on the blogging front. Of course, can still check out last year’s Spring Clean series (starting here with How to Declutter and Find Focus), and if spring cleaning your psychological wellbeing is your target this year why not try our FREE 14-day Wellbeing Challenge?
This spring we're also taking on the challenge to make changes to our physical health, specifically our fitness. After a winter of rainy weather, dark mornings and evenings, is it any wonder that our enthusiasm for exercising may have waned a tiny bit?
Why focus on fitness?
Well, there’s no shortage of research on the importance of exercise for our physical health, but increasingly the link between exercise and our psychological wellbeing is mounting up.
Consider the impact of feeling sluggish and low on energy on your ability to think, react rationally to stress, and on your interactions. In fact, exercise plays a role in managing stress and mood.
For a quick recap, head to this article on Why Exercise Matters for your Mental Health and Wellbeing.
Exercise: How to do a Spring Clean that works?
First up, let’s put some thought into those exercise programs that we've started but didn't sustain, and about those obstacles that stood in the way of us sticking to our plans.
The main thing to aim for is an exercise program that you can stick to in the longer term, and fits in with your routine and existing commitments. When you set these types of goals it increases the likelihood of your new exercise program lasting the distance.
Understand what obstacles stand in the way of sticking to your goals (e.g. a lack of time, lack of accountability) - whatever these obstacles are it’s helpful to anticipate them and plan accordingly.
Keen to find out more? Check out our blog post on How to Set Goals to Maintain Motivation and Stay on Track.
3 quick tips to help you with setting Spring Clean goals for fitness include:
1. Be clear about your motivation to exercise
Why are you exercising?
Is it to keep fit? To help manage stress levels or boost your mood?
Keep focused on your reason for exercising, and use it to shift your self-talk when motivation is low (e.g. “I really don’t feel like exercising now but I know it helps me feel less stressed; in the past when I’ve dragged myself to exercise I’ve felt so much better afterwards.”)
2. Set up a realistic exercise routine and commit to it
Why choose a realistic exercise routine that fits in with your lifestyle and interests?
Because something is more likely to succeed in the longer term when it holds your interest, seems within reach, and motivates you to keep going. By sticking with something over time, you're more likely to form an exercise habit.
So there's no point channeling your efforts into boot camp if you'd much rather be paddle boarding. Or, committing to hour-long jogs if it really is unlikely that you'll find the time to fit it into your routine on a regular basis, and a high intensity workout of a shorter duration may fit your lifestyle better.
Make it simple, make it fit.
3. Be accountable
Whether it’s answering to one friend with whom you exercise, being part of a structured group-based exercise plan, or setting up a team-based challenge at work to take a certain number of steps each day, being accountable can really help get you over the line when it comes to maintaining exercise.
So who will you be accountable to?
But it's all too hard...
Right, so if those 3 small steps aren’t simple enough to help you Spring Clean your Fitness, and you’re after a step-by-step approach, then we need to talk about two things:
1. If running or pilates are what you're in to then check out Front Runner Sports' courses. Their Fresh courses are female-focused and cater to all skill levels, and be sure to also head to their course calendar if you're training for specific running events (Darlington Half Marathon, HBF Run for a Reason, City to Surf).
2. Or, if just getting moving is more your focus then check out this FREE Exercise Jumpstart course by Dr Kevin Yong, GP and blogger over at Eat Move Chill. Dr Kev's Exercise Jumpstart course is a 12-part email course designed to get you moving, and over at his website he blogs about the importance of building up physical health to focus on the challenges of modern life.
So, what are you waiting for? Get moving!
How can you counter the winter blues? Check out our tips on how to boost your wellbeing during the colder months.