Low Self-Esteem: Body Image + Eating Disorders
How are self-esteem, body image, and eating disorders related?
LOW SELF-ESTEEM: BODY IMAGE + EATING DISORDERS
by Annie Malcolm (updated 1st February 2022)
This week as part of our month of self-love, we’re taking a look at body image and self-esteem.
So why is body image relevant to self-esteem? Well it is relevant only for some people. For some, the way they look has very little with how they value themselves. For others, their body and how it looks is almost the only thing they use to determine their worth.
WHAT DETERMINES YOUR SELF-ESTEEM?
Self-esteem simply refers to a person’s evaluation of his or her own worth, and everyone’s self-esteem is based on a list of things that seem important to him or her.
One person’s list might look like this:
How smart I am
What kind of job I have
How much money I make
How hard I work
Another person’s list might look like this:
How pretty I am
How fit I am
How many friends I have
Whether I have a boyfriend/girlfriend or not
What does your own list look like? Take some time to reflect on those things on which you anchor your self-esteem.
GETTING RUNS ON YOUR BOARDS…
Having low or high self-esteem isn’t just about figuring out what’s on your list. It’s also about how well you think you are doing with each item on that list.
Imagine two people have the same list – the one at the top. If intelligence, a good job, money and hard work are your yardsticks, and you happen to have just earned a degree and landed a great job, you will probably feel pretty good about yourself.
But imagine all these things are important to you, and you’ve just been made redundant, and are finding it hard to get a new job. The way you think and feel about yourself would be very different.
So different people use different yardsticks to measure their worth. And self-esteem is based firstly on what you use to judge your own worth, and how well you think you are doing with it.
Now maybe what we were saying about body image makes more sense. For some people, their body image might be positive or negative, but it has little impact on their self esteem because physical appearance just isn’t that important to them. For others it is hugely important, and will make or break how they feel about themselves overall.
BODY IMAGE + SELF-ESTEEM
Today our focus is going to be on those people who are unhappy with their bodies, and who also see physical appearance as being very important. That’s actually a pretty big portion of the population. As part of this, we are bombarded daily with images and messages that tell us what a “perfect” body looks like, and how important it is to try to attain it.
Indeed, when we look throughout history, an ideal body image has been championed for women to aspire to. Back in the Victorian era, women were driven as far as having ribs removed to create the perfect “wasp” shaped waist. Even further back, in medieval times, arsenic was swallowed as a way to improve the complexion.
In recent decades, however, there has been a strong drive towards thinness as an ideal. For instance, the weight of models appearing in Playboy, and Miss America pageants has been tracked from 1959, and shows a steady decrease[1], and alarmingly the Body Mass Index (BMI) of over half of these women would meet the BMI criteria for an eating disorder.
The message to be thinner is targeted primarily at women, and for many women is a significant factor in the development of a poor body image. Disturbingly, for females especially, this poor body image starts early in life. In Australian adolescent girls, body dissatisfaction sits at 70% and is ranked as one of the top items of concern for adolescents[2].
WHAT IS THE IMPACT OF POOR BODY IMAGE?
So if there is a fair portion of the population for whom body image is important, and who also have negative views of their body, what are the consequences? Well some of the consequences can be positive. If a person has poor body image and is actually overweight, this may motivate them to start exercising, or adopting other healthy lifestyle habits.
However, there are negative consequences too. If a person has a poor body image regarding an aspect of their body that they cannot change, rumination over their dissatisfaction can lead to low mood, frustration, hopelessness, a worsening of their self-esteem, and depression.
Self consciousness about the body can lead many to unhelpful avoidance techniques – either going to great lengths to change or disguise the body, or an avoidance of social contact itself, in the hope of dodging the imagined criticism and judgement of others. Over time, avoidance like this can lead to isolation and a loss of social support.
BODY IMAGE AND EATING DISORDERS
Another potential risk for some people who suffer poor body image and low self-esteem is that of eating disorders. Sometimes an eating disorder can begin with seemingly harmless changes. A person who is a little overweight resolves to do something about it and starts to restrict their eating.
Slowly the weight comes off, a boost to their body image and the compliments of those around them make them resolve to restrict even further. The goal posts change as the initial target no longer seems enough, and so dissatisfaction with the body returns or grows. Control of what food gets put in the body takes on more and more importance, and the thought of eating a “bad” food, or skipping an exercise session causes unease, even fear.
Clearly, eating disorders are not a widespread consequence of poor body image, however it may be more widespread that you think. Between 1995 and 2005 the rates of disordered eating behaviour in Australia doubled for both males and females.
Eating disorders currently affect around one million Australians[3].
Around 15% of women will experience an eating disorder in their lifetime. Eating disorders as associated with other mental health issues - around 64% of individuals with an eating disorder also experience anxiety, 45% to 86% experience depression, and 58% experience a personality disorder.
The mortality rate when it comes to eating disorders is 12 times above that for individuals without eating disorders, and recovery will take an average of 7 years. For those who do recover, there are often permanent health consequences[4]
HOW TO HELP YOUR BODY IMAGE ISSUES
So what can we do? Well if you recognise some of the signs of restrictive eating or of eating disorders as outlined above, the best thing to do is to seek help. Go to a family member, a friend, your GP, speak to a psychologist, reach out in whatever way feels possible for you.
What if you don’t quite have the symptoms of an eating disorder but recognise that you have poor body image, low self-esteem, and want to avoid going down that path? Well, there are several things which psychologists call “protective factors”, or things you can focus on to help protect you from a poor body image spiralling out of control.
Protective factors include a supportive family which does not emphasise weight and appearance, a family which eats meals together, a social network that includes more than one group of friends, a focus on achieving academic challenges, good assertiveness and problem solving skills and an acceptance of the diversity of different body shapes and sizes[5].
Finally, want some more general tips to improve body image and self-esteem? Then consider these six steps:
1. Focus on the things you like about your body.
2. Remind yourself that no one is as critical about your body as you are. The people around you probably have things about their own bodies they are just as self conscious about.
3. Be a critical consumer of media. Remember many images are touched up and unrealistic.
4. Don’t compare yourself to others - we were all born with different bodies.
5. Would you judge someone else’s worth based on his or her weight or appearance? If not, why do it to yourself?
6. Remember that your physical appearance is just one of the things that make you who you are. Every time you hear some self criticism about your body, remind yourself of one of your strengths.
So if you’re one of those people with a poor body image try to ease up on yourself today. Remember your body is breathing, walking, talking, thinking, digesting and sleeping for you every day – it’s a pretty amazing thing, so enjoy it!
If you’d like assistance with self-esteem, body image, and problematic eating, why not Contact us to make an individual appointment?
REFERENCES
[1] Wiseman et al. “Cultural expectations of thinness in women: an update” International journal of eating disorders, 11, 85 – 89. 1992.
[2] Mission Australia Youth Survey 2013. https://www.missionaustralia.com.au/publications/research/young-people?start=10.
[3] The National Eating Disorders Collaboration. (2012). An Integrated Response to Complexity – National Eating Disorders Framework 2012. http://www.nedc.com.au/files/pdfs/National%20Framework%20An%20integrated%20Response%20to%20Complexity%202012%20-%20Final.pdf.
[4] Sullivan, P. (1995). Mortality in Anorexia Nervosa. American Journal of Psychiatry, 153, 1073-1074.
[5] Shisslak, C.M., & Crago, M. (2001). Risk and protective factors in the development of eating disorders. In J.K Thompson & L.Smolak (Eds), Body image, eating disorders, and obesity in youth: Assessment, prevention, and treatment (pp.103-125). Washington, D.C,: American Psychological Association.
Low Self-Esteem: The role of social comparison
Do you compare and then despair? Read on to learn how social comparison drags down your self-esteem.
LOW SELF-ESTEEM: THE ROLE OF SOCIAL COMPARISON
(updated 1 February 2022)
by Joyce Chong
In this series on low self-esteem we will be looking at how we have different domains of self-esteem in our post on body image and eating disorders, and we've also blogged about how our self-esteem can be stable or fluctuate in response to events.
Today we’re looking at how the process of social comparison impacts on self-esteem. We briefly talked about social comparison some time ago in our post on at the ways in which social media hurts our self-esteem, but let’s take a closer look at the relationship between social comparison and self-esteem.
SOCIAL COMPARISON: TO WHOM DO WE COMPARE OURSELVES?
To recap, social comparison refers to a tendency to evaluate ourselves against others, and we may compare ourselves to others across many domains including work performance, our marks in our studies, how much money we earn, the types of possessions that we have, how popular we are, how good at sport we are, and also how we look.
When we make comparisons, there are different types of comparisons that we may make[1], however we will focus on two that have been studied particularly in the area of self-esteem – upward and downward comparisons.[2]
Upward comparisons involve comparing ourselves to someone whom we view to be better than us in that particular domain. Thus, that may mean comparing ourselves to the employee of the month, the best student in our class, or the most popular person in our social circle.
In contrast, downward comparisons involve comparing ourselves to those whom we feel perform worse than us in that domain. Thus, we may compare ourselves to someone who performs worse than us or is less popular than us.
Research tells us that the lower our self-esteem, the more we tend to compare upwards [3], however the downfall is that this typically leads to feeling worse about ourselves – in other words, it is an unhelpful cycle. Let’s take a closer look at how comparing upwards may play out in our everyday thoughts:
AT WORK Why did she get the project over me? It’s because she’s so much better at her job than I am even though we’ve been working here for a similar number of years. I must be incompetent.
IN SPORT Look at his stats, they’re amazing and to think that he has only been training for six months. I’ve been at it for 18 months and I’m far worse than him. Why do I even bother if I can’t produce similar times?
WITH OUR FAMILIES Look at the Joneses, they have kids that sit politely and eat their meals quietly at a restaurant. Why do we have to have the rowdy kids?
WITHIN OURSELVES Just look at that photo of her, she looks so amazing. Ugh, I’m so frumpy in comparison. Why do I bother making an effort when I’ll never look like that?
That said, not everyone who makes upward social comparisons ends up feeling worse, and some people use upward social comparisons to motivate themselves to do better. Take, for instance, someone who aspires to run faster and compares himself to the best runner that he knows. This may motivate him to look at the best runner’s technique and preparation, using this as an opportunity to improve on his own technique and preparation.
So, what determines whether we feel better or worse when we make upward comparisons? The perception of how much control we have over changing our circumstances appears to an important factor[4]. If we think that we have the means, ability, and capacity to change then we’re more likely to see the end goal within our reach. If we don’t think that you have the means, ability, or capacity to change then we’re more likely to feel down.
CUSHIONING THE IMPACT OF UPWARD SOCIAL COMPARISON
If comparing ourselves to others is something that we naturally do, how do we cushion the negative impact that social comparison has on our self-esteem?
One strategy is to look at how we think about the situation, and rather than accept the status quo, look at what we can learn from it or develop a more realistic picture of the situation. Taking the same scenarios of our thoughts above, we can look at these situations differently:
AT WORK I may be bummed that she got the project rather than me, but I also know that she has specialised knowledge in that particular area and therefore was the more suitable choice for that project. I specialise in other areas that have led me to working on other projects, however if I want to I can think about reading up in her area of specialisation.
IN SPORT His stats look really good, maybe I can ask him what his training regime looks like and have a look at ways to tweak mine to improve my times.
WITH OUR FAMILIES Their kids have excellent manners, but I know that manners have been consistently drilled into them from very early on. It may take some time and effort on our part, but if we’re prepared to start consistently reinforcing manners at the dinner table in our household, we can head in that direction.
WITHIN OURSELVES Yes she does look amazing in that photo, but I also know that photos in magazines are often the product of careful styling, hair and make-up, and photoshopping. So, while I feel frumpy in comparison I will take what I see with a grain of salt, and focus on getting fitter and healthier to have a better version of my body.
Finally, it’s worth considering why we base our self-esteem on how we compare to others. Another way of thinking about it is to look at self-esteem on a continuum, with one end of the scale being Contingent Self-Esteem wherein our self-esteem is determined by how we compare to others, and the other end of the scale is Non-contingent Self-Esteem or “true self-esteem” where we don’t need validation from external sources, but rather focus on behaving consistently with our ‘core’ self[5].
By focusing less on gauging how we’re going by comparing ourselves to others, and focusing more instead on what guides, us we then set goals because we want to achieve them from a mastery perspective rather than achieving them because it makes us equal to or better than others. That is, the satisfaction we get from achieving these goals isn’t so much from gaining proof that we’re good enough, but rather a sense of satisfaction that we’ve done the job well.[6]
Now, wouldn’t that be a refreshing prospect?
Want more? You can Contact us to make an individual appointment to get started on making changes. You can connect with us face-to-face in Perth, Australia, or via telehealth.
REFERENCES
[1]Wert, S.R., & Salovey, P. (2004). A social comparison account of gossip. Review of General Psychology, 8, 122-137.
[2] Patrick, H., Neighbors, C., & Knee, C.R. (2004). Appearance-related social comparisons: The role of contingent self-esteem and self-perceptions of attractiveness. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 30, 501-514.
[3] Richins, M.L. (1991). Social comparison and the idealized images of advertising. Journal of Consumer Research, 18, 71-83.
[4] Wheeler, L., & Miyake, K. (1992). Social comparison in everyday life. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 62, 760-773.
[5] Patrick, H., Neighbors, C., & Knee, C.R. (2004). Appearance-related social comparisons: The role of contingent self-esteem and self-perceptions of attractiveness. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 30, 501-514.
[6] Kernis, M.H., Paradise, A.W., & Whitaker, D.J. (2000). Master of one’s psychological domain? Not likely if one’s self-esteem is unstable. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 26, 1297-1305.
Low self-esteem: How perfectionism sets us back...
Why does wanting to be so good leave us feeling so bad?
LOW SELF-ESTEEM AND PERFECTIONISM
by Joyce Chong
We all recognise signs of perfectionism, whether it is within ourselves or within others. Yes, the constant pursuit of excellence can have its positive side, which we see in high-achieving individuals who set and attain lofty goals.
However, in our work as clinical psychologists we’re all too familiar with the negative side of perfectionism, which has been linked to poor body image and eating disorders, unrelenting standards and dissatisfaction in athletes and competitive sports, burnout, as well as anxiety and depression [1],[2],[3],.
In attempting to look at how perfectionism impacts on self-esteem, let's look at three dimensions of perfectionism[4]:
1. Self-oriented perfectionism where expectations of perfectionism are imposed on the self (e.g. “I should…”)
2. Other-oriented perfectionism where expectations of perfectionism are placed onto others (e.g. “They should…”)
3. Socially prescribed perfectionism where we perceive that others are imposing perfectionism on us (e.g. “Society expects that I should…”).
From the above description of these dimensions of perfectionism, it's easy to see how self-esteem can be affected. Consider the following examples:
Taylor believes that a hallmark of success in life is to excel in every area, that is, “having it all”. She places high expectations on the quality of work that she produces, often working long hours to get the job done so that it is faultless (and thus exempt from criticism). She also believes that she must look perfect and as a result goes to the gym after long hours at work, and follows a very restrictive diet. Taylor also feels that her house should look like it belongs in the pages of a magazine, that she must be the supportive and available friend that she expects her own friends to be, and that she should also be an excellent cook and the perfect hostess because that’s what’s expected nowadays.
Mark works long hours and has a keen passion for sport. Unfortunately, his desire to excel in sport is constrained by his work hours which rob him of the time he needs to train so as to perform at the level that he expects of himself. At the same time, he often has to cut back on overtime in order to meet up with his training buddies. As a result he feels unable to give work or sport 100% of his efforts. His other obligations also frustrate him as he feels that these dilute his focus at work and in sport. With his ‘go hard or go home’ attitude, Mark feels like he’s not excelling in any area of his life, which then impacts on how he feels about himself.
Looking at Taylor and Mark it’s easy to understand how perfectionism can impact on self-esteem when we consider the following:
- A drive for excellence leads to setting (unrealistically) high standards in one or various domains
- Time constraints mean that expending time and effort to excel in each and every single domain is not possible
- The inevitable failure to meet the unrealistically high standards impacts on feelings of self-worth
Thus, we see a picture of individuals whose self-worth and self-esteem are overly reliant on unrealistically high standards that are likely unattainable. This leaves them with regular feedback that they have failed to meet their goals.
So, how do you know if your own perfectionism is damaging your self-esteem? Watch out for these signs:
- Do you have standards that are unrealistically high (relative to others’ standards)?
- Do you base your self-worth on whether you achieve these standards (“If…then…” logic)[5]
- Do you feel like you fail to meet your expectations much of the time?
- If you do meet your expectations, do you then discount your achievements?
- Do you have negative self-talk and unhelpful thinking styles around achievement? (“Not good enough”, “I’m a loser if I can’t get it just right”, “I only did well because it was easy…anyone couldn’t done it”, “If I don’t get a High Distinction on this assignment then I’ve failed”).
MAKING CHANGES TO PERFECTIONISM
In working with perfectionism we often find that there is great reluctance to shift unrealistically high standards because of a belief that doing this is the same as failing. However, it’s helpful to reflect on the costs that may result from having such unrealistically high standards:
Is performance in other areas suffering because you focus all of your time and energy on one area?
Is your physical health suffering because of these high standards? Do you fail to listen to your body because in order to be the best you have to suffer and ‘push through the pain’?
Are your mental health and wellbeing suffering because of your perfectionism? Do you feel stressed, anxious, or depressed because of continually trying to meet your high standards?
Are your relationships suffering because of your pursuit of your own standards, or because you impose your unrealistic standards on others? Are you taking time away from nurturing relationships because you must constantly use that time to focus on achieving?
How can you help yourself? Let’s look at a few simple strategies to get you started:
Re-examine what you base your self-worth on. If it is only on achieving goals, and your goals are set so high that you’re unlikely to achieve them, then is it possible that you’re actually setting yourself up to continually feel bad about yourself?
Check your thoughts around effort and goal-attainment to see if they’re realistic. Do you believe that you will only succeed at a job if you devote 100% of your time and effort to the task? If so, you’re likely to run into problems if you expect to do jobs perfectly in all areas of your life (hello, competing demands!).
Alternatively, are your achievements discounted once you’ve attained them because if you can do it then it mustn’t be that difficult in the first place?
Develop realistic expectations and standards to work towards. No, you’re not lowering your standards; you’re developing realistic ones that you can reasonably attain.
Aim for sustainable excellence rather than perfection. Putting 100% effort in for 100% of the time towards a goal that is unlikely to be reached (or if it does, the goal posts then shift further away) sounds like a recipe for burnout. Having to take a break or ease off to restore and recharge yourself will then take you even further away from your unrealistic goal, and likely increase your feelings of frustration and failure.
Finally, a word about making changes when it comes to shifting perfectionism – given that perfectionism can be entrenched, it can be unrealistic and counterproductive to expect that change should happen instantly. Learning new skills to overcome longstanding ways of thinking and behaving takes time and practice, and slip-ups are to be expected. If you find it hard to shift your perfectionism, speak to a mental health professional to help keep you on track with your progress.
Contact us to make an individual appointment if you find that perfectionism is affecting your self-esteem.
REFERENCES
[1] Egan, S.J., Wade, T.D., Shafran, R., & Antony, M.M. (2014). Cognitive-behavioral treatment of perfectionism. New York: The Guilford Press.
[2] Koivula, N., Hassmen, P., & Falby, J. (2002). Self-esteem and perfectionism in elite athletes: effects on competitive anxiety and self-confidence. Personality and Individual Differences, 32, 865-875.
[3] Philp, M., Egan, S.J., & Kane, R. (2012). Perfectionism, over commitment to work, and burnout in employees seeking workplace counselling. Australian Journal of Psychology, 64, 68-74.
[4] Hewitt, P.L, Flett, G.L., & Ediger, E. (1995). Perfectionism traits and perfectionistic self-presentation in eating disorders attitudes, characteristics, and symptoms. International Journal of Eating Disorders, 18, 317-326.
[5] Baldwin, M.W., & Sinclair, L. (1996). Self-esteem and “If…Then” contingencies of interpersonal acceptance. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 71, 1130-1141.
Low Self-Esteem: Thoughts + Thinking Styles
Is your self-talk dragging your self-esteem down? Here’s how thoughts and thinking styles leads to low self esteem
WHAT IS LOW SELF-ESTEEM?
by Joyce Chong (updated 1st February 2022)
Many of us may be familiar with the concept of low self-esteem, but what does it really mean? Essentially, it refers to having a less-than-favourable opinion of yourself. Self-esteem can be considered from different angles [1], including:
Your global or trait self-esteem (how you generally feel about yourself across most situations),
Evaluations of yourself in specific domains (for example how you feel about your performance at work versus how you feel about yourselves as a worthy partner or even your level of body-confidence),
Your self-worth in response to events.
The messages that you hear over the years - from a young age via parents, teachers, other students at school, colleagues, partners - all serve to shape your self-esteem. Some of these messages may then be internalised, and form your internal dialogue, talking at you even when you don’t want them to. This unhelpful self-talk can be ever-present, or sit in the background until a setback (e.g. negative performance review, perceived criticism) causes it to flare up again.
WHAT IS THE IMPACT OF LOW SELF-ESTEEM?
Low self-esteem has a really long reach, affecting linked with many of the issues that we see in our work as psychologists. Consider how it presents in the following circumstances:
Social anxiety + low self-esteem
When you feel bad about yourself, any situation in which you may potentially be evaluated can cause significant anxiety. This can lead to avoidance of parties, gatherings, tests, classes, meetings - the list of situations seems endless. In turn, this can lead to loneliness - even if you wish to form a connection your anxiety stops you from relating to others in a genuine manner as all you can think about is what they think of you.
PERFECTIONISM + LOW SELF-ESTEEM
Feelings of inadequacy can push you to adopt a perfectionistic coping style as you try to be ‘good enough’ so that you appear faultless. This can manifest in different ways, for example:
Spending an excessive amount of time working on an assignment until it seems ‘good enough’.
Catering for a function to such a high standard so that others will form a favourable impression of you.
Acting in ways that others will be in awe of your achievements.
Unfortunately this type of coping can easily lead to burnout as you attempt to prove yourself worthy.
DEPRESSION + LOW SELF-ESTEEM
It can be hard to see a positive future when you don’t feel good about yourself. You may find yourself holding back, not attempting things that you think won’t turn out in your favour, then feel bad about your situation. Low self-esteem can really affect your quality of life because of these constraints, and in turn, your mood.
BODY IMAGE, EATING DISORDERS + LOW SELF-ESTEEM
Self-esteem can be determined by a range of factors, but for some, an overemphasis may be placed on body weight and shape. Where there is a drive for thinness, and the belief that losing weight is linked to feeling good, body image issues and even eating disorders may arise. Learn more about the link between low self-esteem, body image, and eating disorders here.
RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMs, ASSERTIVENESS + LOW SELF-ESTEEM
Self-esteem can lead to issues within your relationship including problems asserting yourself because you don’t believe in your own rights. You may doubt your wishes, assume that you are incorrect, and find it hard to cope in situations of conflict.
WHAT DO THOUGHTS AND THINKING STYLE HAVE TO DO WITH LOW SELF-ESTEEM?
Individuals with low self-esteem often hold the core belief of “I’m not good enough”. In the various areas of their lives these thoughts may take on a slightly different form, for example:
In relationships and friendships, low self-esteem may lead you to think that you aren’t important enough or special enough to deserve your partner or friends, or that you will lose loved ones if they knew the real you. As a result, you may hide your true self, instead moulding your personality and taste to suit others.
At work you may worry that you’re not clever enough or good enough at your work if passed over for a promotion. Or, you may worry that you’re not smart enough or talented enough in comparison to others. These may then create a relentless pursuit of achievement, leading burnout.
Thinking styles help reinforce the ‘not good enough’ thoughts found in low self-esteem[2]. Some time ago we blogged about Thinking Styles that sabotage mental health here. Let’s take a closer look at how these may apply to you when it comes to low self-esteem.
NEGATIVE FILTER Any small negative outcome affects your view of entire events - you may focus on a small slip up even though the rest of the presentation went extremely well.
DISCOUNTING THE POSITIVES Here, anything that you did well in fails to shift your opinion of yourself. So, if you did well on a project you brush it off as something anyone else could’ve done, or if someone compliments you it’s seen as them taking pity on you. In fact, discounting the positives is commonly seen in Imposter Syndrome.
EMOTIONAL REASONING When you feel down about yourself you treat these feelings as facts. For example if you feel inadequate in response to some feedback on a report you wrote, you may interpret this as evidence that you’re a failure.
PERSONALISATION You automatically assume things are your fault and discount the contribution of external factors, or you shoulder far more responsibility for outcomes than is justified. So, while you may have had a disagreement with a friend, you assume that it is entirely your fault, and ignore how their role in the disagreement.
SHOULDS + MUSTS By setting rigid standards for yourself with little wiggle room, you set yourself up to fail or feel disappointed. This may take the form of believing you must work in a particular profession, be of a certain weight, dress a particular way, have a certain number of followers, earn a particular income…the list can be endless. Set these standards too high and you set yourself up for likely failure and the inevitable blow to your self-esteem.
LABELLING Here you view your mistakes to be due entirely to stable internal qualities (i.e. it’s you!), without taking into consideration the situation. So, rather than recognising you didn’t do well at soccer because you’re out of practice, you label yourself as clumsy and useless. By telling yourself that the reason why things don’t work out is because of stable, internal qualities, will that give you a sense that change is possible?
MIND READING Assuming that others think the worst of you is something that people with low self-esteem commonly experience. The difficulty is that treating assumptions as facts means you’re not likely to look for evidence that disconfirms your belief.
HOW TO SHIFT UNHELPFUL THINKING STYLES IN LOW SELF-ESTEEM
Sometimes when you hold a mirror up to yourself it can be daunting to see how entrenched your thoughts and thinking styles are. The challenge of changing these entrenched thoughts and thinking styles can also be quite daunting. Let's break it down by looking at three lines of questioning to get you started:
Where did the messages come from? What was your earliest recollection of feeling this way about yourself? Do these messages still apply in your life today?
Have there been any examples, however small, that contradict how you see yourself? For example, if you believe that you're a terrible student, cast your mind back - have you ever received positive feedback?
What thinking styles are at play? Are you reinforcing your negative self-view by tuning out positives? Are your unrealistic expectations setting you up to feel bad about yourself? Are you assuming what others think of you to be true without stopping to check if your thoughts are accurate?
Make a start on changing how you see yourself using the above questions. If you’re after a more tailored approach and would like to make an appointment (in Perth or via telehealth) feel free to contact us.
REFERENCES
[1] Brown, J.D., Dutton, K.A., & Cook, K.E. (2001). From the top down: Self-esteem and self-evaluation. Cognition and emotion, 15, 615-631.
[2] Edelman, S. (2003). Change your thinking. ABC Books.
Keep track of your anxiety by monitoring your mood and sticking with healthy habits. Here we outline how the humble planner can help you to achieve your goals when it comes to anxiety.